Hi. I have been struggling with some pretty awful loneliness for...a long time. You don't know me, and i don't know you. 99% of you realistically never will and, in my mind, 100% of you will have no interest in ever speaking to me...and i get that...i really do. At the very, very young age of 4, i developed, what i now know, is an alter. I am undiagnosed with osdd-1b, which essentially, from what i have read, means that my mind had to shatter itself into pieces to keep me alive...and 21 out of 25 years of my life, i have had this other "thing" in my mind that has left me mired in self-hatred so deep that it transcended into being a majority of who i was...and still am, unfortunately...which makes my identity as who i am as a person unclear to me. i am trying to work on it...but depression, anxiety and a neglectful, isolated childhood where i had to be my own siblings' parent, has made that very hard...i feel like i am not a person, unworthy of any of your time. I want it to be VERY clear I AM NOT DANGEROUS. What i deal with is not what media makes alters or "alternate personalities" into, in my experience, it is not a monster that externalizes, it internalizes. The only person that it can or will ever harm, is me. So, i hope, if any of you at all read this, if nothing else, took a moment to try to understand, even if you may never really.
Thank you pridecore, for providing me a place to put this and, if anyone stuck around until the end, especially thank you for thinking of me, if only for a moment.