im currently in a php program after i just got out of the hospital for suicidal ideation. i realized something recently about it. i dont think im ever going to feel better. i think that the skills im learning could help me manage my shit but i dont think im ever going to stop feeling like this. ive attempted 5 times, tried so many meds and programs and ive been hospitalized twice. but nothing works and i think maybe i can learn to manage this but i dont think its ever going to go away. the only reason i havent done anything recently is cuz i have absolutely no access to anything. i know thats good but it honestly just really hurts. i dont wanna do this anymore. ive had suicidal thoughts 24/7 for 5 years now and im so sick of it. everything is so shit. and it really feels like no one cares. idk what to do. im so sick of trying to get people to care and ive just given up communicating about how i feel at this point. i dont want to just have to deal with this for the rest of my life. ive already had so much trauma and shit happen and i cant handle any more.
#just really struggling (tw suicide)
dim sail
simple veldt
im so sorry you feel like this…
maybe getting in contact with your old buddies or finding new ones could help you connect and ground yourself more with the world. sometimes, the problem is not with yourself at all. it’s just that we need someone to vent to, to confide in, to laugh with, and to smile together. i hope this helps. godspeed, my brother 🙏
its just how the human mind works every now and then