#Tw: mentions of ||Su1c1d3|| and ||$H||

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

storm ginkgo
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My mental health is worse and worde and the only fucking reason i am alive is becaus ei have this one fucking AMZING friend of mine i genuenly love him so much
But everything keeps getting worse and worse and worse and the urge to see my blood again to feel something else than guilt for being alive is getting stronger and stronger i dont know if it id that i sm clean for that time or not
But i had not hurt myself for around four days which is probably longest from when i had relapsed
And Yea i want to die
I want to see my damn body on the ground lifeless finally able to run away from every thing from my life
Be able for it all to stop
Because when i was younger i feared that i will not feel
I will not have meaning
And oh i guess it had to hapen!
But instead i dont matter and feel too much
Every raised voice nit even a goddamn yell pushes me to tears and makes me feel like a worthles piece of shit created to die
And i want to give up
I want to feel something else than the emotional pain i keep feeling
And as i mentioned
I go trought this for my friend because i dont want them to feel sad
I am theyr lingest online friend
Theyr bestfriend
And i could not imagine how unbearably would it hurt to feel that you lost or even failed someone who you tried your best to support help them tell them they matter so they will keep going on
He will never see this
Like probably ever
But damn dude thats some next level dedication with a piece of shit like me
I love you for that

Its just
I dint know
I feel bad about myself
My actions
I feel anxios about everything scared of everyones judgment
Scared that they will see me differently after they see my wounds

Sigh
Sorry for wanting your time to anyone who decided to read this unreadable shit with milion of gramatic mistakes because i am a lazy fuck

tender peak
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Elo, I can really see all of these struggles, like really I'm not saying that to say it. And yeah being scared of judgement is so fucking painful, I won't tell you "dont care about others" because that's what everyone says, and me and you already heard that a dozen of times ,

And that state of your life is in right now make me worried for you I really mean it, living in that must be horrible for you ):

The tip I can give you at least is to focus to most on the people that care for you they will make you feel better, focus on small achievement because completing these will feel better and are more doable

I don't want to give too many tips because I'm sure you have already heard some and these are more personal, for now I just wanna show you that I care about what you say, and I'm giving you all my support going through that, you can do it already talking about these is amazing 💙 yeag

storm ginkgo
fallen sinew
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Oh honey… I’ve been there. It sucks. I hope you feel a bit better today, and if you don’t, that’s okay ❤️

storm ginkgo
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I feel slightly better :)

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Thought with my belowed emotional swings it will change soon prb lol