lyric spade
For a while, I thought I was pan. And I mean for a WHILE. I even dated this nice girl, Savannah, but... I didn't really feel anything. I broke up with her and haven't dated since. I soon found this video from Jaiden Animations called 'Being Not Straight'. I was struggling with whether I had really found out who I was, so I decided that it couldn't hurt to hear someone else's story. That's how I found the term 'aroace'. Never had I felt so understood. In that moment, at midnight on my bedroom floor with my phone open to YouTube, I thought everything had finally, FINALLY worked itself out. I thought I was pan because no specific gender stuck out to me, and I didn't realize there was a 'none of the above' option when it came to one's sexual orientation until that night.
I'd been planning and thinking and trying to figure out how I was going to tell my parents about this. They didn't know about any part of this whole journey I went through to find myself, though that wasn't really a bad thing. I didn't want to let them in on anything until I was certain. And I was. I was so, so sure that this was what I was. I didn't need to look any longer for someone because I could choose no one. I wouldn't have to break another heart from pretending I loved someone I didn't.
Until yesterday. I have a friend that I don't see very often. We go to different schools, but we try to hang out as much as we can. We had a sleepover last night, and it was just... Wow. I literally texted my friend, (she's a demigirl like me, i talk to her first abt this kind of thing usually because she gets me), 'remember when i told you i was aromantic? forget it. i'm at my friends house rn and i wanna kiss her so badly, but she's straight.' And so now... I just don't know.
All I know is I'm not straight. That's certain. But what really am I? I considered the idea that I'm still asexual, but not aromantic. Maybe I'm lesbian? I don't know.
How am I supposed to tell others what I am if even I don't know?
tender spear
drowsy oasis