I need help with identifying my gender.

[snow crane]

I am currently 17 (turning 18 next month) and amab. I started to question my gender about 1 months and 2 weeks ago when I got recommended a video on youtube which was a voice feminization guide. If I think about it, I can remember that I thought several times that it would be so cool to be born as a girl and also wished already to be born as a girl when I was around 13 or 14. But I don't really know if there are other signs or hints that may bring me closer to an answer.

So I would like to ask if anyone can tell me which signs you thought about or had when you where in the same situation as I am in.

I asked my friends if they could get me some feminine (femboy like) clothes (some months ago, even before I started to question my gender because I would really like to wear feminine clothes) and it would make it way easier for me to hide it from my family because we all giftet each other things that appear as weird things in the eyes of my really conservative parents.

In addition I really have problems with my parents because im bisexual and my mom once said to me that she would not love me anymore if I was gay and my dad said many really disgusting and humiliating things about gay people so I'm not feeling safe at home anymore and there is no possible way I could talk with my parents about anything like that.
Lucky for me that I have friends on my side that would support me and also I will eventually move out in about half a year.

[light kiln]

To start, do you feel more like a boy or a girl?

[snow crane]

I don't really feel like a boy and also can't think of things that would identify me as one. And on the other side starting with voice training made me really happy and also kind of felt affirming to me.

[light kiln]

With that, I feel that you'd be more preferable identifying as a female, however, that's just my feedback resulted in the answer you gave me. Your answer told me you'd be more happy identifying as a female if the voice training made you happy and felt more affirming towards you and your perspective

My advice is to do and be what makes you happy and do what you'd like to do with your life. It's your life and you're the one in charge of it. So you should live your life the way you'd like and do what you wanna do.

And ignore the negative feelings from others because everyone will always just be rude to others who are different and are happy, so they'll pick on/make fun of you because they can't be happy without worrying about society's view of them

And I hear you'd like to wear feminine clothes and it'd make a good cover up since you and your family usually get each other weird gifts. If you're able to do things that make you comfortable and you have a cover up for it, then I say go for it and be happy

[snow crane]

Thank you that you took time to help me and that you gave me these advices. I really appreciate it.