#Is getting better really worth it?

9 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

thick skiff
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So first things first hi everyone, one of my first time talking on this server, I tried not to make a post on here but as you can see… well I am here! anyways story time, not earlier than tuesday this week I talked to an irl someone about my depression, very nice moment the someone was really nice and took everything seriously and well… I won’t say it was a nice moment but it wasn’t that bad, anyway I’ve been wanting to die for the past 3 years, depressed for the past 8 and the someone made me consider an other alternative to death and basically I could just go seek help and be treated in a psych ward for a few weeks/month but that’s the thing, after that what do I do, I lived almost 10 years with depression, I don’t remember who I was before, I don’t remember how it felt, I don’t remember the emotions, I forgot most of my memories from back then, so what do I do after, maybe I’ll feel better yes, but I will also lose these 8 years, so I’ll start from nothing, without memories from my life before, without anything, what will I say to my friends? will I ever talk to them again? this year I’m failing my studies, will they take me back next year if they knew about what I’m going through? how will my family see me when they will understand this double life I lived, I dislike them very much, I don’t want them to like me, I made it very clear, so what will happen? but yeah the thing that worries me the most is that I might lose my friends, and also I’m worried that they’ll just forget me for 2 months and then when I’ll come back no one would care and I’ll still be alone and I’ll just be depressed again
so idk if I should just kill myself now or try to get better but that may end up getting me in a worse place than I’m already in

versed valve
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ik its hard to tell some1 but if u dont feel like talking about it to ur parents talk to a teacher they could help u

south swan
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I don't know if this will help, but as someone who has dealt with years of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation but has gotten much better recently, I can tell you that, while it's not easy, getting better is 100% worth it. I was lucky enough to remember some of who I was before, so I followed and picked up the pieces, but if you can't remember, my only suggestion is to "reforge" yourself, so-to-speak. Depression can tear you down and ruin you, but you can remake yourself to be happy again

As for your friends, if they're real friends, they'll stay beside you, and maybe you can help them, too. If they do leave, though, you can find other friends who are willing to accept and be happy with all of you

Anyway, I hope I helped. Sorry if I didn't

thick skiff
thick skiff
coral dragon
south swan
# thick skiff what did you do to get better, did you receive a treatment? how do you get from ...

Oh, don't get me wrong, it took a while for me to get better, and I still have someway to go. The most notable things I did was got medication to help, got help from people I was close to, and, most importantly, I had the determination to get better. Sometimes, when we get so far into our mental health issues, we almost want to stay in it because it's familiar and comfortable. In a way, the demons persuade us to keep them. When I put my foot down and said "no, I'm done with this, I WILL get better", it was able to push me into a position where I actively started doing more mentally healthy things. Then again, I cannot understate how much the meds helped, but you have to find the right ones (because I had tried other antidepressants in the past and it made it worse for me), and so finding the right meds can be a challenge

Also, one thing I have to note is that healing isn't linear. I ended up in a psyche ward about a year or two after I started healing, for example. As you're healing, you will have days where you just can't give as much or you might slide back into the depression or anxiety. The important thing, though, is to get back up and keep going with the same determination to get better. And getting better can take YEARS, so don't be hard on yourself if it takes you longer to heal than you expect

Edit: Also, be careful not to push things down as you decide to get better. Pushing things down can make it worse. It's a matter of changing thought processes, not suppressing thought processes

thick skiff
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years uh... sadly I wont be able to achieve that, the burst of hope and "determination" I have rn wont last long, I need to think, need to consider the options

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well at least thank you very much for answering me ! helped a lot