I have noone

[red mountain]

Im pretty much on a similar situation, i can relate a ton to what you're saying, and about the second part, while it does feel bad please dont give up on it

if you got goals, you can focus more on those goals to avoid spiraling too much, It's something that idk if will help you much but It's worth a shot

also i dont mind if you talk to me if you need btw, just keep in mind professional help would make it much easier for you to keep going if you can get it

np

that's cool, I hope your situation improves