when I was born there was something off about me from 12 to 13 years old I figured that part out. I thought it would go away but it didn't. Eventually as Trans and non binary people came out, my dad vocally spoke about how dumb newer pronouns were. When I was 14 I figured out I was a trans female. I knew I couldn't tell him because I didn't know how he'd react. I eventually came out to my mom. I told her NOT to tell my dad. She immediately broke my trust. I talked to my dad about it, and he straight up said I wasn't a trans female and that he knew me enough. That it was final like it was some decision made by a third party. Obviously when I pushed back my dad got mad. I considered ending my life at 14 years old. I didn't. All I would do is try to talk to online communties as to what is happening to me and get a better understanding. My friend already told me I was transgender when I asked him how I was feeling at 14 years old. I had to hide who I was around dad, and soon he would persuade my mom to take his side of the situation using his fear on her. They both believed this was some wild mistake made by society and that it needed to be solved. Rather than doing the proper research they didnt understand that I was trans, moved me into a catholic school (Im not catholic and nether are they). And he told the school that if they used my pronouns that my dad would SUE. Now I found a queer accepting group, and they would use my name and pronouns. During this time and at my old school I would get in trouble for being on online communites, I would often get my computer and internet taking away for trying to get answers. However there was a time I did something really bad, but that was after my internet was being taken away anyway. That really bad thing still had something to do with acceptance. I started hating myself everyday, wondering if I should have ever told my parents. Eventually I got so sick and tired of living like this, that I said you know what. Im (continue)
#TW: Addiction, and Suicide: might have to talk to a therapist about this
sharp gale
TW: Addiction, and Suicide: might have to talk to a therapist about this
im gonna be a cis male. So thats what I did. The depression didnt go away. The dysphoria didnt go away. And all that fighting just to live as myself while body hair grows on my face. My face gets molded into a face I don't even recognize. When I realized that Im a trans female again, I started going by my name and pronouns again. I forgot to mentiojn but when I was going by she/her and my name before my dad would also comment about the male changes im going through like a "proud" dad moment. It didn't add to my situation really well. As soon as he figures out that Im going by my name again. He says your old enough that I dont care who you go by anymore. (16) Just when I thought the nightmare was over, it wasn't. The dysphoria that they could have stopped, and still could be getting me on E remains. But instead of understanding their child, they have me going through male puberty without any medical evulation. Transitioning your cis kid is the same thing as letting your trans kid go through this. After fighting for so long to finally wear what I want (not totally (skirts)) and present as myself. To keep having dysphoria, and a nicotine addiction. Im even more fucked up then I was before. I started nicotine last year when me and my dad were fighting about my friend, and how he influences me or that if vrchat influenced me to be trans. He thinks its an identity I want BUT I HATE BEING TRANS. I wish I was a cis girl, and I hate what my body molded into. Its like a horrible nightmare that goes on forever. I want to wake up as myself. Nobody understands me in my life, and I feel like I cant share this. Im considering giving up on life. Seriously, even though I make music I enjoy, and have friends, dysphoria is hitting this bad. Normally I would drown it all with nicotine. My geekbar is at zero and I cant hit it anymore. This is the first day I havent smoked, and it opened me back to what has happened to me, and what is happening to me