rugged dust
this is supposed to sort of be a note im writing to my parents, so sorry if it doesn’t make sense
I’ve been really depressed lately, hence why I’ve constantly noted that I don’t want to go to school and how much I dislike it there. i have experienced depression before, at least by self diagnosis, but i just never thought to bring it up i guess because sooner or later it went away or wasn’t as bad
it’s just been getting worse and worse and I feel like I constantly want to cry or just sleep through the whole day instead of doing anything.
I just feel like no one cares, and I know that’s not true. I know I have my family and my friends but it’s just always hard to not feel weirdly alone?? I don’t know how to explain it but whenever I try I just feel like some kind of pick me looking for emotional attention
I went home early today. I know I can’t keep staying home from school or going home early but I can’t help feeling like i need to because everything just sucks. everything sucks.
im not suicidal, at least i don’t think. I find myself, whenever something really especially sucky happens saying “I want to kill myself.” I don’t really actually want to kill myself, because that would hurt and I don’t want to hurt anymore, and that would hurt other people which I definitely don’t want to do either. I just feel like some days it would be better or feel better to just like stop existing for a bit? like just kinda disappear and reappear when im feeling better?
and im not completely sad, at least i don’t think i am for the most part
like i can have a great time at school with my friends and have fun with my friends but then right after when i get home im back to feeling all sad and moody and i dont know what to do about it
I dont know how to describe it.
id say that probably no one is really gonna read through this or care, but even that makes me feel bad about myself. and stating that after the fact also makes me feel bad. its a cycle, i tell you 😔
rugged token