What the fuck is the pount of being kind and sweet and evrything what thrbfuck is the point of waking up every single day with a fucking smile on my face and getting ready and being calm in very fucking thing I do if it is never bloody returnedi wake up to this fucking shouting Nd then I can't fucking sleep at night so I do everything to distract myself from my thoughts
I come back home to yelling to these false fucking promises of how everyone will improve and be better and about how it'll alllll be so perfect and so good and nothing ever fucking happens i fucking hate this
And the one day i TRY to go to fucking sleep and hour and a fucking half earlier and I feel at peace bc my day it wasn't too fucking bad there's fucking telling in the house and i am once again kept up last midnight
What the fuck is the point of being kind and calm and sweet if it never fucking returned whu should I even try. I'm never fucking appreciated for all the bloody effort I put and anything I do regardless of whether I'm involved or not it's this fucking yelling and these arguments and this bloody chaos that I have no wish to partake in and yet it's such a fucking integral part of my life and it's there with every fucking breath I take. I wake up to this bullshit I have to listen to this before heading to bed in the car on the way to school on the way back after coming back
What the fuck is the point. Why should I even fucking try
#I can't handle this shit and i don't have people to talk to
hallow dirge
olive jasper
well.... we wake up for ourselfs to have our own life, we don't wake up to smile for other enjoy theres... when waking up looking to your interest it comes in a way helpful for your daily routine
we comes to point where we relise we're doing the same things of living no matter how it changes... change it in your meaningful way to have it cheering your bright side...
sand salmon
What the fuck is the pount of being kind and sweet and evrything what thrbfuck i...
No need to be over the top happy, just don't be a dick to others if they've done nothing to you. Especially friends, they don't deserve to be punished for what seems like your parents fault. You have the option if things get too much to call CPS, or call the police. Seriously not trying to sound like a dick, but please don't push anger onto others if they haven't contributed. Although I'm not saying to be overally happy with a smile on your face to them or anyone else, just be normal or be yourself.
Losing friends at a time like now could push you over the edge when your homelife seems this bad. Seriously, I encourage you to call CPS and find somewhere better.
hallow dirge
Losing friends at a time like now could push you over the edge when your homelif...
I fucking WISH I could but my father is a powerful man and I can't
My mother is also well known for being friendly and shit so nobody would ever believe me
hallow dirge
No need to be over the top happy, just don't be a dick to others if they've done...
I won't
I just
Don't see the point in being a good daughter atp
hallow dirge
we comes to point where we relise we're doing the same things of living no m...
I want to. I want so much
But it's
It feels so
Useless
vapid elk
I want to. I want so much
But it's
It feels so
Useless
If you have teachers, ask them how their kids are doing. If they light up, or if they know something's wrong, you can talk with them after class. And if you want someone with past experience a bit like yours, I have a friend, and I can ask her if she's open to talk about it.
hallow dirge
If you have teachers, ask them how their kids are doing. If they light up, or if...
Man my mother's a teacher. They'll always go and tell her everything
And i can't do anything about it bc they're
They know her well
So it's just
It feels hopeless
vapid elk
I fucking WISH I could but my father is a powerful man and I can't
My mother is ...
You have a device that you're using to be on discord. Why not record them fighting? I'm not you, so I don't know what you'd want to do, but if you take a recording, share it with the other teachers in private, after class, that could start something. Where to take it after that, I wouldn't know.
hallow dirge
You have a device that you're using to be on discord. Why not record them fighti...
The thing is phones aren't allowed in school
So it's
:/
vapid elk
The thing is phones aren't allowed in school
So it's
:/
Smuggle it in. They shouldn't care if you gave a really good reason.
hallow dirge
Smuggle it in. They shouldn't care if you gave a really good reason.
They do though and then they confiscate it and call your parents and make it a super big deal and you get suspended
...
vapid elk
They do though and then they confiscate it and call your parents and make it a s...
I guess the only option is to push your mom to do something.
Stop asking. Say what you need.
hallow dirge
Stop asking. Say what you need.
She just beats me dude
I feel so incredibly hopeless
vapid elk
She just beats me dude
I feel so incredibly hopeless
Your bruises are good evidence for your side of the story. Show them to a teacher you trust. Or if your school has a police liason, you can get direct to law enforcement that way.
hallow dirge
Your bruises are good evidence for your side of the story. Show them to a teache...
The problem is I bruise easily due to hypermobility and a vast majority of the others are on my back
And i can't
Yk
Do anything there :((
vapid elk
The problem is I bruise easily due to hypermobility and a vast majority of the o...
I would still go to the police liason if your school has one.
vapid elk
The problem is I bruise easily due to hypermobility and a vast majority of the o...
There are options. The fact that you're talking here means you haven't given up, no matter how much you may want to say it's hopeless. Keep fighting.
The only way you're going to get help is to ask for it. Here is not the place. Ask your school counselor. If not the counselor, the teachers.
vapid elk
Man my mother's a teacher. They'll always go and tell her everything
And i can'...
If you tell no one, nothing will change. So tell someone. Take the risk.
hallow dirge
I would still go to the police liason if your school has one.
It doesnt and the police here is useless
hallow dirge
The only way you're going to get help is to ask for it. Here is not the place. A...
I'll try 🙁
hallow dirge
If you tell no one, nothing will change. So tell someone. Take the risk.
I'm genuinely scared
vapid elk
I'm genuinely scared
"Least bad option" is sometimes the only option. I wish I could do more from here.
hallow dirge
"Least bad option" is sometimes the only option. I wish I could do more from her...
:((
Thank you though
I can't express how
Miserable i feel
vapid elk
:((
Thank you though
I can't express how
Miserable i feel
I wouldn't be able to understand you. But that's what being human is. We chose to care, even when it feels poinless. But it feeling pointless doesn't mean it is pointless. We have limits. I use the unknowns in my knowledge as my hope. They look dark from the outside. But that's because we haven't stepped in to understand them. Our unknowns can be dark on the inside. But we don't know if they have light until we step in to see them.
vapid elk
:((
Thank you though
I can't express how
Miserable i feel
You will have people who care about you when you look for them. But you have to look for them. It absolutely can be horrifying. It absolutely can be painful. But you don't have the chance until you take it.
hallow dirge
I wouldn't be able to understand you. But that's what being human is. We chose t...
Man idk
hallow dirge
You will have people who care about you when you look for them. But you have to ...
How much do i look? I don't see them
hallow dirge
I'm sorry. I have nothing more to offer from where I am.
It's okay
I really , really do appreciate you
vapid elk
It's okay
I really , really do appreciate you
I've come to learn recently that people don't always need advice. Often just a hand to hold. Check in with me, if you want to.
Where I am right now:
I've come to learn from the impact that others have had on me that we always have more of an impact than we think we do. There will sometimes be people who value you a lot and they won't say that they do. I want to figure out how to use my impact, because I'm very clueless about it right now. I've been learning just how powerful some ideas are. Some bring joy. Others, pain. Some a mix. Our world has a magic system, and it's called ideas. Or memes. Or propaganda. Or religion. Brilliant worldbuilding, if you think about it.
Take care, neighbor.
hallow dirge
I've come to learn recently that people don't always need advice. Often just a h...
I'm really trying. I'm trying to prepare for my exams rn and they start in 8 days
I am scared
Im really trying to work on myself bc if I bring myself to a point where I can feel proud of myself and not hate myself then maybe I'll feel happier
I mean
If I don't like where I am
Then I should change it?
I've been trying to write more and create more but i simply have absolutely no
Energy tbh
But
I'm getting there
I'm doing at least 30 mins of something productive daily and that's better than nothing
And slowly I'll learn to be less affected by the
Violence around me
And maybe my mother will be proud of me someday when I do something big and i can forgive her someday
I hope that it gets better but i can't do anything but hope
The good thing is that there's so much that I can learn everywhere bc we have unrestricted knowledge that i can try to distract myself with
vapid elk
I'm really trying. I'm trying to prepare for my exams rn and they start in 8 day...
If you compare yourself against people who don't have a home life like yours, it's... I would not say it's a fair comparison. Being around intense emotion can be very draining. Give yourself some permission to be imperfect. I think it's amazing of you to make it so far with such rough roads. I genuinely don't know if I could. I wish you didn't have to go through this.
hallow dirge
If you compare yourself against people who don't have a home life like yours, it...
I'm trying i just
I don't like anything around me, including myself
I'm trying
vapid elk
I'm trying i just
I don't like anything around me, including myself
I'm trying
What do you enjoy doing?
hallow dirge
What do you enjoy doing?
Nothing anymore
I like learning things out of my own will but I've had
No motivation to do it anymore, if that makes sense
But I've made this list over the past 4 days about random things which come across my mind and I intend on researching them thoroughly