#(TW Suicide & Depression) I DID IT! WE BROKE UP WITH A GOOD ENDING!

91 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

upbeat hinge
#

I really need to break up with my boyfriend. I already made a previous thread talking about this, and I planned to do it four days ago but I keep putting it off.

I made a note on my phone with a whole list of reasons why i dont wanna be in this anymore and i'm going to read them to him, but he constantly says how much he loves me and that I'm the only one for him and he can't imagine being with anyone else but me. Every time he says "I love you" and I say it back I kind of die a little inside because I know i'm lying. ||He also has severe depression and a few weeks ago said that he thought about killing himself. this was the second time this has happened.||

I want to break up with him, but I'm incredibly worried about ||pushing him over the edge||. When we're at school we see each other after almost every period so it'll make it really weird.

I really need help. It's currently 2 AM and I'm writing this because if I don't then I'll never figure out how to do it. Please.

swift cave
upbeat hinge
swift cave
#

these sound like honest reasons for a breakup

#

but you are at a crossroads, do you tell him now things that may push him over the edge. Or do you hold on and tell him when his mental improves while hindering your own mental health

#

am i getting it right?

upbeat hinge
#

that's a good argument

#

we also got into another fight today after i posted this

#

it's not really something i wanna go into here but ive been pissed at him since about noon today

swift cave
#

what did he do?

upbeat hinge
#

it was something i said that he blew way out of proportion and twisted it to make it seem like i said something i didnt

#

i'll just say it now but it's a lot so i'll be typing for a while

swift cave
#

take your time, theres no rush

upbeat hinge
#

so basically we're at lunch with our friends and friend 1 says something about how one of his robotics teammates is in choir so he's missing a practice or whatever, then friend 2 says something like "oh yeah he's the gay one right?" not meaning anything bad, he was just wondering. i have lots of friends in choir (like 20+) who are guys and 90% of them are gay/bi/etc. and so i said "yeah that tracks" because i have tangible proof of such a statement. so i say this as im sitting next to my boyfriend and he goes "wait so does that include me?" and i said no you're not in choir and he keeps interrupting me and saying "but i'm gay! but im gay!" angrily. so i said i didn't mean it like that and he started crying until he eventually just went silent. it's a real problem that he has where he just goes silent when he's upset and even if he is upset and i ask him if he's ok, he says "yeah im fine" but this time when i was trying to apologize he was barely even listening and just saying "ok" and i said i wouldn't make a joke like that again and he said "how do i know you're going to try to change?" and that got me really pissed cause there's been like 5 separate occasions in our relationship where he tells me that something that i do bothers him and then i stop doing that from then on. i got really angry at him and was kind of going off at him in the middle of the cafeteria and then i stopped. after a couple minutes i said "there are so many things i wanna say to you that im not going to because we're in a public space" and then he wanted me to skip class with him to go to the cybersecurity classroom while there was a class in session to talk and he said it would be private even though everyone would be able to hear us. i told him that we could call tonight and talk cause i was so mad and i didn't have a structured argument of what i wanted to say. then i went to my class and i haven't talked to him since.

#

holy that was a lot of typing

#

there's just been a bunch of little things that have been adding up for the past few months and i can't take it anymore. i want to break up with him tonight, but like you said i don't want to push him over the edge.

swift cave
#

give me a moment to digest this alr?

upbeat hinge
#

sure thing

#

i might go away for a little bit cause i'll be getting off the bus and talking to my mom about my day

swift cave
#

talking to her might help

upbeat hinge
#

oh no not about this my mom doesn't even know i'm bi bruh 😭 i'm working up the courage to tell her

swift cave
#

so basically, its these little arguments that you two get into. And over time they get worse or become much more of a burden on yall?

swift cave
#

three people know what i am

upbeat hinge
swift cave
#

lmao

#

i was abit in your shoes like a month ago

#

after dating a dude for about a week

#

i found out that i just dont feel attracted

#

before i thought i was bi

#

but then it just dawned on me that i might be aroace

#

and it turns out i was

#

it was one of the harder conversations i ever had, but i explained it to him.

#

from what aroace means and to how he is not the problem

#

but still, he was left devastated and it took me a while to recover from it. I have this problem where i put people infront of myself priority wise, so i just hated myself for a few days

#

and im scared of what your bf might do if you tell him

#

but i dont like to hear people struggle

#

you get what i mean?

upbeat hinge
#

yeah i can kinda see that

#

i forgot to mention though. we've been friends for 3 years and dating for only 5 months

#

also my mom is in a meeting cause she works from home so i can't talk to her rn so i got time

swift cave
#

how would you think he will fare with this type of bombshell

upbeat hinge
#

i remember asking him back like a month into our relationship a hypothetical "if i broke up with you what would happen" and he said he would be sad for a while but he would eventually live with it. that was before he told me he was suicidal again. he said those feelings were developing over the past ~2 months.

swift cave
#

i think first of all you should encourage him to seek help regarding his suicidal thoughts

#

because if he is in this tough of a situation breaking up with him might end badly for the both of you

#

for him, death and for you guilt. But this is just hypothetical

#

i dont know this person or you

upbeat hinge
#

i've tried encouraging him to talk to a counselor, therapist, calling 988, he said he's tried all of it but it hasn't worked

#

but recently he's been a lot better i just don't wanna take the risk

swift cave
#

i see

#

is it realisitic enough for you to wait longer

#

until his metnal health gets better and then break the news to him?

upbeat hinge
#

i don't think so. i feel like if it keeps going like this it's just gonna get worse and i'm gonna cuss him out in the cafeteria or something.

#

i'm gonna go do homework now, but i'll be back later to chat more

swift cave
#

i think ill probably be asleep

#

but send something if youd like

#

i hope the homework goes swimmingly

upbeat hinge
#

alr if you're asleep when i come back then sweet dreams 🌙 😴

#

but thank you for all your help

#

i really needed someone to vent to

swift cave
upbeat hinge
#

@swift cave I DID IT!!!!! it went incredibly smoothly. We started the call by talking about our fight we had had earlier on, and then before I was about to tell him I wanted to break up, He said "I love you so much, and I am so committed and you're genuinely the only one for me" and then I started crying and having a panic attack because I knew what I wanted to say was gonna be 1000x harder to get out. Eventually, I said it, and he goes, "onion." (he used my actual name) "what?" I said. "i've known for the past three months. you've been showing it and I've just been waiting for the day that you finally do it."

Holy. SHIT.

So we talk more about it, and after a while I calm down from my panic attack and we actually start laughing about some stuff and then we played roblox lmao. We're still best friends though and we both think nothing will change cause for the past 3 months its felt like we've been best friends.

probably not dating a guy again till like after college tho :P

swift cave
#

Proud of you

#

Like really

#

Speaking up and shit

#

And im really happy it ended well for the both of you

upbeat hinge
#

yayaya i was so happy

#

genuinely the hardest thing ive done in years

swift cave
#

But you did it!

#

Now whats fucking stopping you from doing anything

#

Absolutely fucking nothing, because you already did something harder

upbeat hinge
#

NOTHING AT ALL 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#

thank you for your help earlier today :DD

swift cave
#

Your welcome

upbeat hinge
swift cave
upbeat hinge
#

(TW Suicide & Depression) I can't break up with my boyfriend

#

i removed the genuinely cause i said it a lot in this chat and it was also unnecessary in the title

#

(TW Suicide & Depression) I DID IT! WE BROKE UP WITH A GOOD ENDING!

swift cave
#

Vro got the good ending yeag yeag yeag

upbeat hinge
#

not just that i got like the BEST possible ending

#

i mean like the only thing thats different now is that he wont tell people im his boyfriend

#

and i'll do the same

swift cave
#

You are now just friends

upbeat hinge
#

yeah this is exactly what I wanted bruh

#

we were friends before and it was awesome and now were back

swift cave
#

Hope it stays awesome

upbeat hinge
#

the whole thing went 1000x better than I thought it would

upbeat hinge
swift cave