Loneliness

[errant willow]

So I have been schooling for about a year now and before that I went to public school. Three months before I dropped out of that my only friend dropped me and I haven't had a single friend irl since that day. I spend all my days couped up alone in my room whether it's homework or scrolling. I live in a small town that is mainly elderly so there aren't any opportunities for me to go out and meet new ppl that isn't going to a church. This isolation is eating me alive. Every summer I cry bc I have no one to do anything with. I am tired of always being alone. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault that I am so lonely. Idk I feel like I won't ever be able to make friends bc of this.

[winter sky]

Just to remind you that I won't be intending to gossip about you and the other people. Rather, I shall reveal the deeper meaning behind all of these. Without further ado, let's get things straight: First of all, "identity is a major problem in the modern world. a lot of people feel like it's one of the most important things that shouldn't be questioned, and considering their 'identity' to be something related to their sexuality or gender. it's a gap that people are seeking to fill, but can really only be filled properly with something. Since we all have an outward personality that we show to the external world, but behind that mask is our shadow. Secondly. struggling with overthinking, anxiety, paranoia, ect. is a natural response for humanity especially animals who became courageous after grappling with doubt. However, if it's hard to correlate these issues, then it's better to realize that correlation does not imply causation. You need good-natured helper who's capable of encouraging you figuring this stuff out, regardless of your self-doubt, fear or perhaps regret. Either way, response matters more than resolution. In the same way, situations matters more than contradictions. Thirdlly, in order to understand our identity/personalities, you must struggle. Every problem in life is interpersonal. We define fairness, righteousness, and wrongdoing based on our own experiences, and others do the same. But is it okay to struggle? I must say, there aren't straightforward answers whether it's universally considered as morally right or wrong. Besides, this life is full of unpredictability, contradictions, ironies, etc, etc. Lastly, struggle tells us to break free from comfort zone and embrace suffering, chaos, failure and darkness.