After having to move in with my dad due to rising conflict at home with my mum and stepdad (They're not against my identity or orientation, they're supportive of them. It's due to my mental issues that they can't handle being in the same house as me, I've not improved much in the last seven or eight years, but that's not what I'm focusing on with this post.), I've felt empty, almost apathetic to my existence. It doesn't help the fact that my dad is homophobic and transphobic, he only knows I'm pansexual, I told him years ago, he's not been weird about that, I believe why is because of my preference for women/afabs, which from his perspective means I'm "straight" and he can just keep that a secret from his family. I've not brought any of my euphoric beddings nor skirts with me because despite how nice and feminine they make me feel, they're too risky. It's been killing me.
Growing up I've never really thought about being a girl, only in 2024 at the age of 20 did the thought come across my mind and make me feel happy. I was never the kid that was really in girly things, gender swap episodes or any other trans awakening experiences and that makes me feel weird. It makes me feel... Wrong. I find it uncomfortable to watch many videos of people talking about their trans experiences, I feel like an outcast, like I'm not real. At times I feel like this is all just a phase and I'll grow out of it, but being as much of a woman that I can currently be makes me feel happy and being a man makes me feel wrong. I haven't really felt like a woman these past few days, I again have felt nothing really, besides utter boredom and apathy. I haven't started medically transitioning at all, I haven't even started voice training because I find some of the tutorials I find to be a bit confusing. And me discovering I was trans was through a more adult method, which also adds to me feeling like a fake trans woman.
I feel like a robot that's been made specifically to walk among humans and imitate them, but is doing such a bad job at it, I just feel so... Artificial. I don't feel like I belong in the trans community, because I feel so different, disconnected and dare I say defective.
There's more stuff on my mind, but they contain more trigger warning to put down and I don't have the energy to type the rest of the stuff down as of now, if I can edit this post I will do it soon enough if anyone cares to know.
-Roxy
#[TW: brief mentions of dysphoria and homo/transphobia] Feeling fake and/or inhuman
hybrid fern
small rain
Im not really good with advice but i hope u start feeling better!
hybrid fern
Im not really good with advice but i hope u start feeling better!
Thanks
small rain
Np
lost quarry
Hey, you're not a "Fake trans woman" You're you, you're what you identify as, you're not inhuman, you're not fake, you're you, you're however you identify and it sucks that your dad is a transph0be, but the Pridecord is here and in our eyes, you matter