I don't want to live and my parents hate me

[still garden]

I actually hate my life so much, I just quit therapy. I don't think I'm ever gonna get better. It's honestly funny to me now that I thought I was getting better, it feels like the world is against me, I spent last night crying and praying begging for God to tell me what I did wrong. I thought I could find a therapy that would work better, but my parents aren't up for it. All I asked for was a psychological assessment (we have the money for it, and my therapist said it was the best next step) but my keep saying maybe. So when I insisted, because I always have to ask a lot before they do anything for my mental health, she said she's gonna just say no because i'm being stubborn. After this they started shittalkng me, even though the door was open, and I was practically right there. They seem to hate me. Every time I talk to my mom she snaps, I used to like her but when my dad' anger issues got worse, she refused to disagree, and now she yells at me to.
They decided that because I "seem better" I don't need any mental health stuff. They say it's just anxiety and I know techniques to prove it. But my therapist literally told us all that I have depression and anxiety, and have wanted to kill myself since the 3rd grade. My suicidal thoughts are worse, everything feels like it's getting worse, my parents refuse to help me, and I genuinely don't know what to do. I've turned to self-harming again but I'm to scared to tell them (last time I was punished and left crying for hours the day before Christmas and was left to scarred to bring it up again).
My therapist recommended family therapy but even she immediately knew it wouldn't be a good idea considering my dad's behavior, and when my mom brought it up he went silent.

[shy storm]

Are you safe right now

[cedar elk]

mate, believe me, I've gone through much worse, and u can, and WOULD, definitely get out the situation. DOn't do any self-harm. What I did was preventing my emotions to be understood by others, ik that's bad, but the only way was that. I was treated as shi by everybody for a very long time. After that, I followed the quote "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT". Acted as bully, started to act real tough outside(believe me, I'm not). PEople started to treat me differently. I have begged God to take my life, have cried day and night, asking what wrong did I do. Honestly, I've mostly lost my faith. It's only you, who can help yourself.