Crappy friends

[dull depot]

Trigger warning some discussion about slurs, bigotry, and ||self harm||.
What do I do… I have a friend who I used to think was rather cool.
Then they made their own discord server. It’s a shitshow that I get to witness that directly affects how stressed I am because it’s a cesspool. She semi regularly uses slurs that aren’t hers to reclaim (racial slurs), she is rather crass and rude, treats me like shit if I act even a little rude to either of her romantical partners (one of whom is rather confrontational and annoying). She has certainly done some good in regard to helping her fellow transfem but she’s also a borderline narcissist.
But I can’t really just leave her, for one because she has horrible mental health and will likely take it personally, second the server features so much goddamn sketchy shit I won’t go into detail but it’s like wrangling cats when trying to get people to follow rules. I fucking hate having to deal with this and at this point I almost don’t like her. She is a bit of a jerk, doesn’t understand the gravity of slurs, and has on a few occasions called me a slur. ||I’m a piece of shit and in truth introduced her somewhat to that. I’ve got autism and will use a dated term for people with intellectual disability on occasion. But she doesn’t and I feel it’s in no way hers to go around using or worse call me||.
It’s shitshow with multiple bad actors.

[jade abyss]

That does seem like a lot for you. And there is one thing I dont understand you want to give care and attention to someone that I feel like does not about you right now.
If that person cared about you they would have never said such horribles things even if they are not sure about theirs words. People know the meaning of words they at least know saying that would hurt you.

But I understand you. Leaving someone you knew when they where nice before its something painful and really hard. I'm not telling you to drop that person but you should try to feel less guilt about leaving that person you said that you are scared they will take it personally but even when you are nice they dont care and says horrible stuff so I think you should not be scared of that. But that's a complex thing for sure.

Saying these kind of things to anyone is just terrible. But I understand you on that point that's its something scary and trying to get them away from that but failing must feel horrible ): I'm truly sorry for you. And I really hope for you, that you will find someone better and that cares about you

If you wanna talk I'm here and all the amazing person on here are with you :3

[dull depot]

Well and truly wasn’t expecting you. Didn’t know you dabbled in this and to that end I commend you.

[jade abyss]

I hope my long message was understandable :-: