void walrus
Hey,
I know how you feel. For the past couple of years now, I have felt basically exactly how you described. Every day felt empty and exhausting, I found it difficult to find joy in anything. It was only recently I sort of adopted a newer mindset which already makes me feel a lot more positive.
I still feel the same way every day, but if you can find the right mindset, it becomes a lot more bearable. The hardships don't ever get easier, you just get better at dealing with them. For me personally, I have made the decision to stop looking in the mirror, because it really doesn't help, it only makes me feel worse. Yeah, it's a hard thing to do, but if you ignore that stranger in the mirror right now, eventually one day you'll go back to that mirror and you will see yourself looking back at you. Try your best not to neglect self care, especially sleep - if you can, try to put those late-night thoughts to one side (I know its hard!), you'll feel much better after a good night's sleep.
Take time to do what you enjoy, and take each part of your journey as a small step. Try not to look at the full thing or plan it all out, or it can feel like way too much way too quickly.
Try to be yourself around those who are close to you, like your friends - if anyone hates you for who you are, maybe they don't deserve to be in your life at all.
I'm usually not that good at comforting people, but I really hope that some of the things I mentioned help you. Everyone's situation is unique in life and you really just need to find what works for you. Please remember that ||suicide|| isn't a way out. There's a place for you here on earth, you just need to find it! If you ever do feel like you want to ||take your own life||, please remember there is support, like the lines in #🆘｜crisis-help-channels. I can't speak from experience, but I heard that talking to others can be really helpful.
Remember that you've already started your journey!
I really hope you feel better soon!!
lone locust