I'm scared

[shrewd scarab]

My mom has expressed that she doesn't like gay and trans people and I'm pansexual and non binary (maybe gender fluid im not sure) and im really scared she might find out if i fully come out at school

[stoic veldt]

if you have relatives or family friends who go to school with you its a possibility

or if you ask to go by a different name then its possible a teacher could slip or something

but honestly unless you have particularly hateful teachers its not as scary as it seems

I came out at school all throughout high school, had 3 boyfriends, and for a bulk of it went by feminine terms and a different name all while having 2 relatives who go to the same school. And my school was pretty small, I think my graduating class was maybe 150? I dont remember

so this is to say ive been down that road and it wont mirror your experience but its the same perspective

the hardest part is easily micromanaging who gets to know your chosen name and pronouns and making sure they are absolutely clear on when and when not to use them

it can be extremely stressful actually

i went about it by only telling that to my band director, which is where i spent most of my time anyway in school, who I also knew was supportive and knew the relatives who went to that school never would talk about. No other teacher knew to my knowledge

then I only came out to my friend group, which likewise I knew could be kept separate from my family and was going to be supportive. I didnt hide any of it from anyone outside the group, I just didnt say anything unless asked

at that point its just a matter of reminding people 'hey dont use the name at this upcoming event' and stuff

it turns out you can have people slip up a lot because your family is not gonna register the name as having anything to do with you

so they just assume it was directed to someone else, so you just ignore whatever was said and move on

as for sexuality, thats not a concern at all

most genuinely do not care

or will even know if you dont tell them

the key is just to be deliberate with who you come out to and making it clear when its not appropriate to bring up, and dont be afraid to remind them

at the very least you can come out as pan and it literally will not be an issue in regards to your family, other people at school might give you shit but thats a different question