Hello. None of you guys know me, and I know none of you. Last time I touched this server was months ago. I just saw this and decided whatever, nothing else to do. So, here’s the house that I’ve built.
#The house that I built
unkempt ginkgo
The basement.
The most prevalent thing you will see in my basement, is the central pillar, Mormonism. From the second I was born, I was forced into the Mormon church. I grew up on the beliefs of Mormonism. Hell, for a long time I felt the need to avoid people who had tattoos. The people who raised me, by the time they left the church, had paid thousands of dollars in tithing to it. They were devoted. Only when Covid happened did we drift away, and so did I. I went through multiple weird stages, but I’ve come to the ultimate conclusion that everything is meaningless. Good or bad? I don’t know. I was a smart kid, albeit very very very annoying. I should have known earlier. But the easy path out was to sit in the preaching room or whatever it’s called and pretend to be listening. I wish I never went to that place. Most of the things I remember as a child were because of a cult, and I want to rip it out of me. I can never rest knowing my origins.
Another pillar, is the unrestricted internet access I was given before I could remember. I’m sure many of you can relate to this. I saw many things that led me to where I am today. I wish so badly I never saw a screen until this age, but my past is already solid. The pillars are rigid, and they can’t be changed. But sometimes I think, maybe seeing the real world helped me. I am magnitudes more intelligent than the people who raised me. Maybe learning about existential dread at a young age was the payoff for waking up.
And finally, there is where a pillar should be, but it isn’t. It is the lack of structural integrity. Where the pillar should be, is the empty space of effort. In school I never tried to make friends. I never tried to learn to socialize. I never tried to stand up for myself. I never tried to do anything to be an individual. Now that is all I am. I no longer can try because I never did in the first place. I have no friends. I can’t talk to people. I can’t stand up for myself. I’m powerless.
The first floor.
The first room you will see is the living room. In it is a big tv, you can not turn it off. It is always playing something, whether it be the news, short form content, long form content, movies, shows, whatever. It is perpetually active. The windows are one-way. I can see out, but nobody can see in. This is the same for the entire house. There is only one chair, and the floor is rough like concrete.
The den is always cold, save for when the fireplace is on. When a man not including myself is nearby, it burns. It makes everything warm. When I was a kid I didn’t understand the significance of this. I just thought men made me comfortable since it was the rare events that I socialized.
The kitchen is just above where the pillar is missing in the basement. Therefore it is collapsed, shattered like a plate. Walking around the room is hard, you could trip anywhere. Every day, I go in there and I try to create a new dish. But it all spills and rots, for the floor is never flat. The dining room adjacent to it has been spared from destruction in which there are paintings of brilliant food, yet there is never food on the table. Only stains from past attempts.
The second floor.
On the second floor there is the primary bathroom, the one with a shower and tub. The mirror has been punched out long ago, under which is a razor and shaving cream, neither of which have been used in months, for the plumbing in the house is in constant disorder thanks to the missing pillar. The bathroom perpetually has the faint smell of lotion.
My bedroom is nearby, completely soundproofed. In the very middle lay my bed, stained and fragrant of sweat. Some of the soundproofing seems it had been torn off and thrown around before being reapplied to the wall.