I want to stop manipulating others for sympathy and remorse. Also I want to stop thinking violent thoughts and grudges from long ago. Ik Im getting diagnosed in March but I want this behavior and thoughts to stop.
#Idk what to do
cobalt atlas
regal storm
diagnosed with...? narcissism? ASPD? what?
cobalt atlas
diagnosed with...? narcissism? ASPD? what?
Idk but I also have some delusions and unstable behavior (thing is Im unaware of manipulating others sometimes)
Also the only reason I have grudges is if someone wronged me or someone close to me (I have grudges from 2021 and 2023-2024)
regal storm
If you're unaware of manipulating people, that might be a sign of Antisocial Personality Disorder. How is your empathy?
cobalt atlas
If you're unaware of manipulating people, that might be a sign of Antisocial Per...
Really strong empathy for close friends and loved ones while extremely low for people I dislike and strangers apart from those who are weaker than me
Also the psychiatrist noticed some psychotic symptoms
Someone also called me an emotionally disturbed person for defending someone I cared about
regal storm
wait, are you impulsive?
cobalt atlas
Yes
regal storm
and your emotions can change quickly?
cobalt atlas
I have flashbacks and nighttime hallucinations
regal storm
I have flashbacks and nighttime hallucinations
you should've mentioned that earlier
cobalt atlas
Yes my emotions change quickly and I like controlling and ruling over others (being in an authority position) for the thrill of it and I dont really fear consequences
regal storm
but you just said you're empathetic for those who are weaker than you?
cobalt atlas
but you just said you're empathetic for those who are weaker than you?
Its complicated
I just need to make it to March
regal storm
Its complicated
is it like constantly changing or is it just always like that?
cobalt atlas
is it like constantly changing or is it just always like that?
Always I have had that behavior since forever but its gotten worse after an incident in 2023-2024 (I even remember the exact dates)
cobalt atlas
My mom and her dad had similiar problems (I was diagnosed with childhood autism and adhd)
Fuck I still remember 1pm EST on December 13 2023
regal storm
can I know what the "incident" was?
cobalt atlas
Someone wronged someone close to me then I retaliated back a few months later (February) and I get punished in June for the retaliation
regal storm
can I know the specifics? like who they wronged and how you were punished
cobalt atlas
It was a discord community basically a mod banned a close friend of mine
I revoked the ban and removed the roles from the mod
Then I got punished
I also have a grudge against someone who got me to have my leg injury from 2021
regal storm
Then I got punished
how were you punished
cobalt atlas
how were you punished
Demoted then banned
regal storm
Yeah, this is probably your autism making you hold grudges
cobalt atlas
I also have a grudge against someone who got me to have my leg injury from 2021
I threatened them cause they insulted me first and then made a run for it falling down 5 stair steps
cobalt atlas
Yeah, this is probably your autism making you hold grudges
But how does that explain the manipulation
regal storm
This is definitely from autism, and maybe a bit of borderline personality disorder
regal storm
But how does that explain the manipulation
it doesn't
that's something else
idk what that is
just talk to your psychiatrist about it, they are far more educated in this than a really smart 13 year old (me)
cobalt atlas
just talk to your psychiatrist about it, they are far more educated in this than...
Ofc I just need to make it to March without having an outburst or manipulating anyone for remorse
regal storm
Wait, by psychiatrist, did you mean psychologist?