noble carbon
I'm still only in high school but I don't have any friends. I feel like no one likes me. I can never keep friends, everyone leaves me or finds someone better. It might be a week or a grade but it always happens. I knew a boy in my class who was really nice to me, we'd hang out together, but then someone he knew from another school came to our school and he started to completely ignore me and stop talking to me and only hang out with this person. It happened again last year. Another person I met who was really nice to me but then ignored me completely for this pretty popular girl he met.
I've always been different, I just feel so isolated. My home life is fine, its just everything else mainly school and friendships, and me having very low self-esteem. School is horrible. And seeing all these other people my age who are pretty and normal, and people love them, and they have all these friends, it makes me feel terrible about myself. I want to look like them. I'm not pretty and I'm not skinny like them, I'm not normal like they are. it's been 5 years since the covid mask mandate but I still wear a mask everywhere I go in public in fear of showing my face because I hate it so much, I hate looking at my ugly body and ugly face. And I start to wonder if this is why people hate me? Am I just too different? too weird? Am I too annoying? I try so hard to be a good person. I love talking to people, I love listening to others, I love sharing stories with others, but no one seems to ever want to talk to me, or be my friend. I sometimes just start crying by myself at night because I'm so lonely.
I've never said any of this to anyone in my life. I have someone like a therapist I could tell this too, but I'm too scared. It just feels like it's never going to change, I'll always be too different for people.
And what if admitting this out loud makes people think even worse of me?
rigid tiger
zenith mortar