Low-key just compaining

[wraith sonnet]

Like i actually feel so invisible that it’s insane. And don’t come in here being like “ oh that’s not that bad mines worse “ cause i actually don’t care right now my post Isnt about you ( people have done this before ).

So like , this is basically about how earlier my mom said I physically have to force myself awake so I can just be miserable and play games all day. In my own words that I low-key vented in general earlier ( I apologize )

“ I hate Christmas now. Cause why the fuck do I have to play games with people I BARELY talk to. Like bro you should have learnt your lesson from the last time you tried to make me do this , And the deadnaming and misgendering gonna go crazy then ALSO with all them people talking, probably tv's going and people's phones going off - that'll just make me overstimulated. AND I'll be tired cause I'm being forced to stay awake which, I physically cannot or else l'll start to get dizzy, lose balance, it'll hurt ALOT. For me to talk and I don’t wanna suffer on a day I’m supposed to be jolly and happy. Gonna pull up as Mr. grinch and ruin everyone's Christmas just cause I set boundaries and said I'm not gonna play games with people cause it always just ends up with them fully bullying me and skinnyshaming me. “

That basically tells my current issue. But there’s more , remember how I said my door broke off ? I was slowly breaking it on purpose cause I wasn’t able to shut my door and I didn’t have a doorknob for 2+ years meaning I had NO privacy whatsoever and people would just walk in without asking or knocking first and they be saying “ you don’t do anything anyways so why would I need to knock “ to respect my privacy ???? Like what that’s common sense.

My window is nailed shut meaning during an emergency I can’t open the window and I’d have to break it which - I have absolutely nothing to break it with so I’d probably have to use my damn arm or something.

( more in replies )

I don’t have a closet cause it’s filled with shit that Isnt even mine , meaning I have piles of clean clothes in baskets that I CANNOT put away cause I have no space for them. And also I always end up getting the scraps of my siblings choosings. They always get to pick first and then I just end up getting broken things that they didn’t want and old ripped and dirty clothes and don’t even fit me.

I feel unsafe in my own home cause I have to live with the one man who traumatized and ruined my life. He ruined my peaceful family with his presence and I know I’m wishing for too much and I’m “ going too far “ but want him gone already. So what if he’s the reason I still have a house , we could literally all go live with our grandma without problem - she has a job , she also gets tons of money each year cause she’s got senior benefits so why do we have to deal with all this ???

Us as kids had to deal with him and our mom fighting daily , breaking glass , hell he even ended up getting rid of his own fucking dog cause he was so ignorant. I’m tired of feeling unsafe in my own home I just wanna go somewhere else , I don’t care where I just don’t wanna be with the man who ruined everything for me. All my family gets new beds and blankets and sheets and TVs and phones and shit every year then all I get is a very ripped blanket , a sheet that’s also ripped and has paint all over it and a tv that barely works. I know I’m lucky to even have any of this but I’d rather have a loving family and be living on the streets than have a hateful and shaming family while living how I do.

If strangers I met in games online make me feel safer than my own family does then that says something about my family. I hold back every tear I hold because I know even if I break down sobbing that no one will care or hear me. I can’t take this life anymore but I have no where to go , no way to escape & no people to save me. I could call some numbers but they wouldn’t save me.

And the only thing my family ever worries about is how I look. Cause I have to put on a facade and take it on the chin and wear it daily so people think I’m fine but I’m not. I understand there’s people out there doing worse than I am but my feelings aren’t invalid at all.

I don’t want someone to vent to I want to not have to vent.

I shouldn’t have to fake my face so people love me.

I shouldn’t have to remind people my likes and dislikes just because they didn’t care enough to remember.

I wanna go home.

But is there even any home to go on to ?

Low-key the fact I lock my door at night cause I’m scared of what that man would do while I’m sleeping is actually insane & no one should have to go through that

[muted mirage]

it sounds like you're on your early teens, I don't know and I'm not asking your age but if I'm correct I will get better with time. Be patient, romanticize the little things and fix what you can on your own. You're not culprit of the things that happen to you, but you're responsible to act upon them and the moment you accept that your life will get better. Save some money, sell your clothes that you don't like anymore and with that fix your door knob without even asking. You'll just need a screwdriver and a way to buy a new door know but if there's teens out there buying other stuff I know you can get a door knob from Walmart even.

Life will get better once you grow up and out and you dont need these people to understand you