So my sdad and my bio mom just recently broke up, and it was messy. he basically used me to hide the fact that he was hunting for apartments around town, aka telling me it and than lying to my mom, he needed the comfort, (which after it all went down i know was super messed up form him), hes been suicidal for years and during his teen/young adult years due to abuse and such in his childhood (idk much about it, but it is obvious). My mom on the other hand has issues with her emotions, showing them and such, her life has been traumatic too.
its just: he is coming over lately because my mom doesn't want them to go out "bad", i mean they are still married and they say they still love each other, its just that during the two month long break up with extremely bad fights and accusations thrown about, they said some really messed up shit, he did, my mom did and honestly I agree and dissagrea with sertain aspects of how they describe each other more or less due to just my own experiences growing up with them.
my mom guilt trips, she has done it less so lately, because i recognized it in therapy and it hasn't worked in a while, it is just exhausting.
I talk with her, sometimes deep and she tells me things and I understand, she is traumaticed and he is traumatized, but whatever they do they cant seem to get it together and try, he doesn't want to go to therapy, and thinks of himself as "not worth it" because he is so old (52 btw) and my mom just doesn't realise how bad she sometimes acts.
Like it took me a year of talking with her and her to my therapist and constant reminders to respect my privacy, aka kocking on my door before just barging in or having extremem fights with me and not realizing i was too overwhelmed and or just depressed to answer.
At this point I've just given up on ever fixing our rocky relationship because it would take way to long and I just dont have the energy to worry about that and my own mental health.
#quick rant/vent, might be nonsensical
random hollow
Plus me and my sdad never had a good realtionship to begind with, I actually hated him when i was younger because i was still in contact with my bio dad, after covid and during that changed, now i havent heard from him in about two ears and frankly dont care anymore,
but my sdad keeps coming over and i just dont know how to act around him, i didn't realize how much he was using me behind my mothers back and how much it hurt myself to do it, i felt so fucking guilty for the longest time, because of the conversation i would have with him in private about him breaking up with my mom instead of cimmiting suicide, and i know it was his decision to leave, to not work on what my mom and him had but i can't be expected to all over sudden play nice with him after everything, especially not when every eyecontact and hug feels like a slap to the face, he never hit me, my mom was only every emotionally neglegtful at worst and just traumatised at best, i just wanna move out but i am stuck in a legal battle and with my mental health i cant work and it would tear my mom apart, maybe even my family, i care about my nephew and my brother but god living here is hell, has always been