maybe they never supported? (bit of a rant)

[idle oar]

Hey everyone :).

A few weeks ago I had decided that it was best to leave my group of friends (all-girl, with 2 guys that had joined after their group fell apart and one knew me for my entire life - with me still presenting as male TT)
and it turns out that they had also planned on leaving all together (without the guys) because they wanted to talk about "girl stuff". it had been a year i was with that group and early(ish) on I told 2 of them I was trans, but asked them not to tell the others yet as i wanted to tell them eventually. after a lot of stuff happening i didn't end up telling the others, except for one. all 3 of them had appeared to support me being who i am, but it was hard to tell anyways because irl its not safe to be out, and then in the group it wasnt safe either as i wasnt out to all of them... and i had no intention of telling the guys- at least not until the girls all knew
at least... i had thought they supported me- and i dont know why but i'm only now realising it, that i dont think they ever really supported me. I feel like I should have known- especially after one of the 3 i told deadnamed me on my birthday, in a DM, but I had thought "oh maybe they just forgot- after all, i did ask them all not to tell the others in the fg, and not to in person cuz its unsafe, and they were the first who knew. but then also while I was leaving the fg, and they were talking about why they were all going to leave together and make a new group with just the girls, the person i told 2nd had said "yeah" and it just hurt a lot to hear her say that because it seemed like she never did see me as a girl

sorry for it being essay sized...
oh and just tonight I talked to my mum about this all- and it sorta helped even though i know she doesn't support me being trans, she at least still listened

[rapid veldt]

There will always be doubt. Like today, after sending a friend request to one of my friends IRl i realised I just kinda came out to him. And he didn't care much. But then again, both of us are cramming for a test right now. And well, we're good friends. But finding good friends has taken me nearly a decade, so if they don't stick, that's fine. I come from a town that'd crucify anyone in furry/therian, lgbt, etc. But just try to find a safe place when they can't touch you. Every rose has a thorn. And it will hurt you in time. Every relationship will hurt you. I know that for a fact and while its gonna suck. You just gotta accept not everyone you knew is open to the ideas you have about yourself. And power through it. Use their non-acceptance as a drive to keep going. Say to yourself every day "I'm alive, I'm the person I want to be. I will carry on to be who I am forever." and be better than them. And if you need help remember you're in a server of over 50k people willing to help. And there are also other resources, ex the Trevor Project, and there are other resources online for mental health support if anything goes wrong.
I live by an open-door policy, so if you need someone to talk to, you can. And im sure there are others like that here too.
I may not be an adult nor as a licensed therapist but there are ways we (the greater community) can help.

Now get some rest and remember you an amazing person with soo much on their plate and that you dont have to deal with it all at once. Take it day by day and keep going.