limpid nymph
She (Ana) was my first time for pretty much everything. I am a 21 year old guy, 20 when I started dating her, I had never even held hands with a girl before her. My first kiss, my first time, my first time making love, all of it was experienced with her for the first time.
We started dating during a rough time in my life, I had just moved back to my home country, back to living with my mother, my brothers, my head was in a messy state, I felt like a big piece of shit all the time, but I got better after getting a job, getting back in the gym, reading again and making new friends, the moment we started to date all of it went to shit.
Ana wasn't a monster, toxic or even a bad person, she was an easy source of validation. I got addicted to her and couldn't give two shits about the other parts of my life. My performance at work got worse, I stopped going to the gym and let go of all the good things that were happening in my life. This made me completely dependent on her to be happy, eventually we broke up and I was left with nothing.
I spent two months in a pretty bad state, but I was determined to regain my life back, I had drive and my self-discipline got me a better life again. I got back to the gym, work is a whole lot better, I am passionate about reading again and my hobbies are back.
It's been 5 months since I got dumped, I am arguably in the best part of my life since I was 17, and I still think of her almost daily. I still miss the way I felt when we were together. It comes from a place inside of me looking for validation again, for feeling special, wanted, it's not from love and I know it.
Anyway, I am moving on with my life, I know Ana will stop making trouble inside of my head at some point, I am already doing way better since things ended. I just felt like pouring my heart out here instead of chatgpt, I guess, not really looking for advice as much as just venting, but I will hear you people out if anyone feels like saying a word or two.
chilly hatch
loud heart