#why is it my job?

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

alpine coral
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this is about my best friend.

her mental health is bad and she often has suicidal thoughts/thoughts about sh. i know this and i've always tried to help/comfort her when she texts me smth like that, but it's been so f-ing draining lately.

she's been venting to me constantly since summer. i always tell her that i prefer when she vents to me, not when she stays silent about it, and i do mean that, but not all the f-ing time.

i also have mental health issues and she knows that. i sh too. i have suicidal thoughts too. and she was so big on the fact that she hates when she vents and someone starts making it about themselves instead of comforting her, but that's exactly what she does to me.

whenever i vent to her (in those months she always vented to me), she always found a way to make me feel even worse about myself because of how she feels about my problems. like one time, i told her something (don't remember what) and she started comforting me but then texted that she is having a breakdown rn but in a way that made it sound like "i'm having the worst time rn but sure go ahead and burden me with your problems too". and she got all sad and offended when i said i wouldn't vent then. like shut up.

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also, literally a month ago i told her how i've been lwk st@rving myself or i wasn't hungry at all and i didn't eat anything all day. she told me to eat, i said i don't want to/i'm not hungry and that i don't even want to eat because i felt fat and she texted "fine do whatever you want" like she had enough of me. mind you, we texted for like 2 minutes. what's worse is that it was the first time i vented to her in 2 months because i didn't want to overwhelm her with my problems.

also, she knows i go to sleep relatively early (9-10pm) but she still texts me at like 2am saying "help me" "please be here" "please help me" like- she knows i'm gonna feel like shit about it later. does she want me to be awake at all times just so i can comfort her? i would if she didn't act so like her about it.

what i meant to say is, i don't mind her venting to me, but it's not my job to be there for her all the time, especially if she doesn't listen to me when i want to vent.

like rn she sent me a video describing signs that someone is about to end themselves and said "if u notice me do these pls save me :c" like- yeah sure i don't want her to khs but-

....ugh

idk i can't really explain this without sounding selfish. i just don't want the responsibility to save her. everything f-ing overwhelms me - which she would know if she listened. i haven't really vented to her since the "do whatever you want" incident yet she's still been venting to me all the time. i'm not a therapist. we're the same age. i'm also struggling. it shouldn't be my job to help her every time she gets a little sad (yes she texts me about every little inconvenience).

i just want her to hear me...

dusk forum
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you are not selfish at all
Have you tried setting boundaries?
Sometimes saying to someone “Text me whenever you feel ___” unfortunately opens up the door for them to just text you whenever they need to vent even though that’s not healthy on you at all. Using someone as a therapist isn’t okay. If she doesn’t ask before venting, you need to tell her to ask first. But I know that will be hard for you, considering she doesn’t seem like she isn’t in the best mental state right now. And I’m not gonna lie, if you try to set boundaries, she’s probably going to get mad or feel hurt. But you need to take a break from being her personal therapist, and her response to you saying that you were st@rving yourself was (trust me when I say this) NOT normal at all. You can’t just vent to someone all the time then have enough of them when they vent to you😭. I’m sorry, but that’s not how it works. I’m sorry if I seem insensitive or rude, but her response to you was not normal at all.

I’m not gonna lie, she sounds a little toxic… making someone else’s vent all about you is just so many levels of messed up and toxicity. Editing this, I’m realising there are so many things that you’ve said that she does that is not normal or acceptable at all. She should not be texting you messages like that when you’re asleep. I don’t care. I’m worried for you so PLEASE set some boundaries.

alpine coral
# dusk forum you are not selfish at all Have you tried setting boundaries? Sometimes saying t...

oh, thanks for reading all that :'>
i haven't really tried setting boundaries in this aspect yet because i seriously don't want her to feel like she can't count on me, but i'll be working on it
also, yes, she sometimes acts toxic but most of the time she's kind, and there's a reason she's my best friend (i don't trust easily so that title means a lot)
thank you for the advice and the reassurance! <3

dusk forum