am i not cis or what I'm experiencing is just gender dysphoria?

[graceful snow]

haii
soo let me begin, im an afab living in a very conservative environment. i frequently felt gender envy since i was a kid. Whenever i see boys being able to play all of the robotics and all of the cool things. Even till now, i still envy how men befriend one another. i envy the way men talk and everything they do. But i dont think being masculine is comforting to me. It always intrigued me whenever someone thinks I'm a dude based on the way i text. Yet whenever someone immediately assumes I'm a girl based on the way i text, i would take offense in that too. I guess i just perform so people would like me. A lot of people in my life has described me as masculine and i dont know how I'd think about it but I'll take it as a compliment. My exes had been shoving down the idea of being feminine into my brain and i still hate them for it. Idk how i feel. Being a woman feels somewhat uncomfortable to me. But then again I've had 2 versions of my nickname. being called the "feminine" version of my name felt oddly comforting but only when certain individuals call me that. But i feel much more comfortable when people im not close with calls me by the masculine version of my name. or just in general. I can change the way my body looks but at this rate i just wish I'm some kind of a blob of slime so people would not put any expectations on me.

[gilded tinsel]

Okay so before I started questioning my gender, I felt the exact same way. I felt uncomfortable being referred to with feminine terms (most of the time). Then, I said to my friend “I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a woman, but calling myself a man doesn’t feel right either.” My friend replied “I think you might be non binary or something” and it was then that I realized I wasn’t cis.

To be honest, what I’m trying to say is that if you feel uncomfortable as a girl, you most likely aren’t cis. Most cis girls don’t feel gender dysphoria like that.

Also I later figured out I was genderfluid

[graceful snow]

thank you for sharing your experience!!
I thought it was normal for me to feel like that. to me gender roles are unnecessary and i abolish gender if it came in terms with myself, i always wish i wasn't born a girl. i dont fw labels i guess that's how i would describe myself, i dont care like what pronouns other ppl would call me, ill just wait till they come in terms on how they'd label it. i dont think i like being called by neos but she is aight, he is aight, they is aight

[graceful snow]

my friend also replied the same, he said
"hey...i think you might be non binary"
after hearing me like speak about myself and gender

i constantly complain about that issue to him, because i would consider he's my closest friend

i personally enjoy having a feminine body because idk ppl like feminine people buy I'd like to have a masculine body too if its possible to have both😞
androgynous might be the term but idk i desire for more of an androgynous, slightly feminine face. but people always said that my face looked masculine and its aight

i crash out every time people whom i have romantic/sexual interests abt.. label me somehow

idk why but i like to pretend to be a boy online
just online irl i dont rlly gaf

[main grotto]

if you want to chuck a label to one who doesn't mess w/ labels (ironic right?) Unlabelled might be for you :). I used to be unlabelled for a few years (still cis tho xD) before i eventually figured out i'm transfem and it felt like a good place to kinda just exist while i work things out, and maybe thats what it is you've figured out, just to exist which is always 100% valid :3

[gilded tinsel]

Also off topic but I love your pfp so much teehee

Its giving

PUREUREUN

https://tenor.com/view/luka-alien-stage-blink-gone-blink-gone-luka-luka-blink-gone-gif-8670065825967299832

[graceful snow]

THANKK YOUUUU