faint trail
i hate being the type of person that thinks of scenarios that could well and truly happen, like, i just had this odd, long moment where i laid and thought about a scenario that im gonna yap about now.
in another vent i did, i talked about the fact that i make my friends uncomfortable and i make their mental health worse by talking about my unhealthy coping mechanisms and my SH (which is fair), but i have a thing where i scratch myself red raw, basically until i bleed, which i dont realise im doing until someone tells me to stop. and my friends say that makes them uncomfortable (which, once again, i fair).
but in the scenario i had, i started scratching myself and my friends pointed it out, one of them saying “bill (not my irl name), youre doing the scratching thing again” and i looked at my arm, said “oh”, got up and began to leave, to which another friend asked, “where are you going?” i then said “outside so i dont make you uncomfortable” so i leave, yada yada yada, but i then go into the school bathroom, pull out a ||blade|| and start ||cutting|| (this is set at lunch time, btw). lunch then ends and the teachers call everyone out and im still sat in the stall. a teacher called a member of the SLT (senior leadership team) comes to get me out. she says, “come out now, or I’ll sanction ya”, to which i reply “whatever, do what you want, im not coming out”. the teacher then busts the door down and sees that im covered in blood and to fresh cuts, she gasps and I frantically tell her to not call my parents, not because theyre abusive or anything l, because i dont wanna disappoint them.
Then my scenario ended there
ruby tulip