#TW: like everything. Vent post, I do not expect answers

6 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

empty sand
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They say god gives his strongest warriors his hardest battles or something like that. Well I have something different to say: If there is a god he will have to beg for my fucking forgiveness

I am currently 18 and I feel like I have gone through several lives' worth of trauma and pain. From the moment I actually became aware of my existence at like 3-4 years old shit was bad. Abusive and absent and drunk parents. Moved countries when I was 10, had to start a whole new life. At 14 my parents after an especially bad night of drinking tried to kill me, I fought back, they never tried again since. Police did nothing except offer me counselling. I was kicked out of my house for a year and lived my first year of highschool couch surfing and on the streets; nobody knew. Now I'm in my final year and for the last 12 months I feel like hell itself has opened its fucking gates on me. Got diagnosed with Autism and Sociopathy. Made new friends, they left as soon as they found out about the sociopathy part. Transferred schools 3 times in the last 2 years. Got a girlfriend a year ago, the love of my life - but she has BPD and her health is in the gutter, she's in the hospital more than she's outside of it, as we speak she is currently being resuscitated for the 3rd time in 12 hours - "why don't you just leave and find someone else" BECAUSE when she isn't in the hospital she is an amazing and loving person who actually sees me not whatever broken up version these years have left me as. We were supposed to have an apartment together, so I could finally escape this hellhole called my parents' place except for the past 2 months I've literally seen her 3 times and all times have been in the hospital, so obviously unable to go through with that. Add on to all of this several suicide attempts from between 1-3 years ago, an alcohol addiction and SH as a coping mechanism and... yeah

I hope someone does a psychological case study on me

deft hornet
azure fable
# empty sand They say god gives his strongest warriors his hardest battles or something like ...

Hey… I’m really sorry you’ve been carrying all of this. What you’ve been through isn’t something any person, especially a kid or teenager, should ever have had to survive. The fact that you’re still here says a lot about your strength, even if you don’t feel strong right now.

Everything you described is incredibly heavy: the abuse you grew up with, being on your own so young, the diagnoses, people abandoning you, having to move schools, and now watching someone you love fight for her life. That’s not just “a lot,” that’s trauma piled on top of trauma. Anyone in your situation would be overwhelmed.

I can hear how much you care about your girlfriend, and how much it hurts to feel helpless while she’s in the hospital. Loving someone through something like that is hard, but the love you have for her is real, and it makes sense that you’re holding onto it.

I’m here to listen, but I also want you to have support from someone who can actually help you carry this weight. It doesn’t have to be just you versus all of this. A counselor, therapist, or trusted adult could give you real space to talk about this safely, without judgment. You deserve that kind of support after everything you’ve survived.

You aren’t a case study. You’re a person who’s been hurt way too many times and is still trying to make sense of it all. I’m really glad you reached out instead of keeping all of this inside.

empty sand
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It does a very good job validating but not very good at providing comfort and/or solutions. For an AI though it's pretty impressive. Personally I use the Monday GPT

azure fable