#I fucked up a lot

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hushed ivy
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Night to December 1st, I got in a bad state of mind, I can't remember everything that happened. All I remember was sitting on my floor, I had locked my cats, dogs, and SD (Service Dog) out of my room (very stupid decision). And I can remember small bits throughout the night of crying or cutting myself, or just screaming (sorry to my neighbours). Later this morning when my mind started to clear up I realized had carved the initial of my former abuser onto my forearm. Which is a very sensitive and triggering memory for me.

I now feel disgusted by myself and worthless, and other than that extremely exhausted and numb.

hushed ivy
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I might just end it all.

hushed ivy
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I'm going to end it all

viral rivet
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There’s people here for u ok

paper wind
amber birch
# hushed ivy Night to December 1st, I got in a bad state of mind, I can't remember everything...

… I’m really sorry you went through a night like that. That sounds terrifying and overwhelming, especially if you don’t fully remember everything. The fact that you ended up hurting yourself and carving something connected to your abuser isn’t a sign that you’re “disgusting” or “worthless," it’s a sign that you were in a really intense and triggered state. You didn’t choose that, and you didn’t deserve to go through it alone.

It makes sense that you feel exhausted and numb now. Your mind and body have been under a lot of stress. But please don’t sit with this by yourself, this is the kind of thing you should tell someone you trust, whether that’s a counselor, a doctor, or another adult who can help you stay safe while you come down from this.

we care about you, and I’m glad you told us. You’re not broken or disgusting, you’re someone who was overwhelmed by something incredibly painful. You deserve support and safety, not shame.

Do not try to harm yourself in any type of way.

viral rivet
amber birch
paper wind
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Guys, I DM'd them. They replied and said that they were alive yesterday. I responded however they didn't respond back yet again. But so far to my knowledge I'm going to hope that thier still around today.

@amber birch @viral rivet

viral rivet