I'm having a pretty hard time trying to figure out who i am
Basically I've just discovered that some inflatable enthusiasts (like me) have either objectum or posic+ and ive recently looked more into it and even read one of the community's zines
However i just don't feel like i fit in at all
I feel like if i ever said i had either one of these I'd just be some poser bc i can somewhat turn off whatever love or affection i have for my inflas and my plushies and i feel like I'm gaslighting myself and/or just masking whatever i feel
There's some plushies i haven't cuddled in months and are just sitting in my closet
There's some times where I've just ignored one of my inflas for a period of time
Thing is i feel sorry for them after the fact
I audibly said i was sorry to Jasper (my inflatable tiger) when my mom decided it was a good idea to stab him with a knife
I often feel sorry for one of my guitars because i play them a bit more than the other
I also feel like neurodivergence has a toll in this but even that I can't necessarily prove because i might be neurotypical and just growing up
I don't fucking know
I feel numb
I feel like an idiot
I fucking hate my life
#Why
dense fjord
I hate that I'm like this
dense fjord
H