#TW: SH & SU!C!DE ||i cant do anything except self harm and having suicidal thoughts||

19 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sage mist
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(im bad at venting so it might be hard to understand, sorry)
info:
-13 y/o
-trans mtf
-gay (liking men, i always think of sexuality off of cis)
-i live in florida (the MOST transphobic and homophobic state by far)
-catholic parents (i personally dont believe in god)
-therapist sides with parents
-ive been baker-acted once before (almost twice) (baker-act is a forced hospitization for suicide and stuff)

I dont really know how to start this but i always felt like a girl but never really wanted to BE a girl until i was 10 and i found out i wanted to be transgender. as long as i knew i always had alot of female friends and not many male friends and i feel alot more confortable around my female friends or lgbtq friends then my male friends. last year i really wanted to tell my parents i was trans and gay to the point i had suicidal thoughts about it and i talked to my school counselor and it came to the point that my parents had to come to the school and my counselor had to tell them that i was trans and gay and my mom and my dad said "you know we would always accept you" and "your cousin is lesbian and we still love her" while at the school but then not even a day later i bring it up again about growing my hair out and my mom says do you know how much that offends god (i dont believe in god btw) and started crying like its my fault saying i really dont think you are trans and acting like its a bad thing. i didnt really bring it up much again until this year where i couldnt stand seeing my parents because i feel obligated to tell them i need to get PBs out of state (florida bans PBs for people 18 and under even though at that point you are past puberty...) because im almost at the voice deepening and adams apple parts of puberty and i really dont want those because they cant be reversed. i became cutting myself in my upper thigh so its hidden as a coping thinking somehow my parents would notice eventually and think "oh w...
i ran outta letters im gonna add on to this 🙂

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...and think "oh wow he's (they would never say she) actully being serious about this and we should probably do something about it besides say whats wrong with you, do you know how much this hurts god, whats wrong with your generation, or even just guilt tripping me in general or just flat out insulting me or what they do most often say they will do something and never bring it up again and just end up being their homophobic selves again

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even today we were out for dinner and our waiter was "clearly gay" and the 2nd time they came around my mom just said "does he really need to be that gay that's just over the top" and he just had earrings and would put his hand under his mouth (also the way he talks ig) and my whole family just agreed he was weird. and then my mom did a crossword puzzle on her phone and she had the clue "nonbinary person written short" or something like that and she asked whats a nonbinary person and i explained and sayed what is wrong with your generation your either internal or external and she isnt judgemental about anything else except a bit of politics like trumps laws and stuff

granite grail
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I have no idea what to say… I’m kinda in a similar situation and I hope it will be better for you.

full kiln
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Just enjoy life as it is, Every decision is your choice, so why not make tye best out of it regardless of choice

sage mist
full kiln
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Well..., Maybe Ask your friends for support about your ideas

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Don't end your life, It ain't pretty

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Maybe you can DM me so I can talk to you more freely I guess?

sage mist
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my friends know im trans and respect that its just there isnt much they can do i dont care if my parents accept me or not but i need parental consent to get puberty blockers or estrogen

full kiln
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well..., did you get emancipated yet??

sage mist
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No I said I was 13

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I also don’t really want to yet because my parents would make me start paying rent i-i

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I also now have scars on my leg and I don’t know what to do

full kiln
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Well

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Have you gone to suidical prevention services

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They may be able to help you better than I can

sage mist
full kiln
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Well...