Hi there
#Lost
ocean saffron
maiden pecan
Hello.
storm root
Hi
maiden pecan
Here to talk if you need to
Thank you. I'm just right now in shock. I don't know really what else to tell about it. It's like grief.
storm root
Thank you. I'm just right now in shock. I don't know really what else to tell ab...
totally understand that situation. And it's alright to be in shocked. But the main thing is to be okay with who you are and who you want to become. Don't take in all the negativity of others.
maiden pecan
Yeah. My account there is now officially deactivated, withouth a word to others. It's like complete silence and darkness.
I wish I'd now who I am. Right now I know that they/them pronouns feel kinda okay, I've also used she/them. Sometimes presenting fem is okay and other times kinda more neutral is okay.
maiden pecan
I honestly feel like something has been turned off.
maiden pecan
Watching a movie with friends helped a lot, so I wasn't alone and I was worried of another friend in America due to everything going on, but I feel relieved that he's okay. It's like being in total darkness and silence otherwise.
maiden pecan
I'm certain they all hate me and are relieved I'm gone from the forum. ðŸ˜
Just tears started falling after that thought.
storm root
@maiden pecan they don't deserve you if they did that. Deactivating your account like that
maiden pecan
<@850777868165709865> they don't deserve you if they did that. Deactivating your...
It's okay. I myself asked for it so, but it was still somehow a shock.
I understand I was attacking and to outsider perspective it may have seemed that I am very disruptive and unfair to someone who apologized. I now understand that not even friends understand why I was like that and I can't really blame anyone for not understanding.
Just that I have helped others a lot, but I myself don't seem to get that same care back and it hurts, when someone you feel wronged by gets a chance to stay a place that was initially like your home.
storm root
Just that I have helped others a lot, but I myself don't seem to get that same c...
It does feel like that. But that's when you have 2 options. You either care enough to do something about it. Or not care enough and surround yourself with people you want to be friends with.
maiden pecan
It does feel like that. But that's when you have 2 options. You either care enou...
There is something I can do, but it takes something out of me and I think I'll give myself a chance to try. They may not want to hear it at all though.
maiden pecan
It's done. Now we'll see what happens.
storm root
There is something I can do, but it takes something out of me and I think I'll g...
Good :)
maiden pecan
I keep feeling okay and then really bad. I feel like being out in the rain and just letting myself rained on. I've been in so many crisises. I'm suprised I'm still standing. Sorry, but anyone else would collapse under this all. At least that's how bad it feels.
maiden pecan
Took ice in a glass to my room to suck on. It helps with bad feelings and get myself out of it. As a child I ate ice all the time.
maiden pecan
After a long time now finding a label haven't made me happy. With gender neutral I was okay, but genderfluid discovery made me happy. I don't know. It's strange.
Like sometimes I am one and other times other. Sometimes fem and other times masc or gender neutral. Sometimes I like women as a female and men, when I am more masc or gender neutral.
With gender the other thing that comes into play is sexuality, but I think bisexual does fit me best and others have said that the things I say feel like someone who is bisexual.
For the longest time bisexual term was so uncomfortable.
I guess it's all trauma related. I do have cptsd and have dealth with ||nontouch childhood sexual assault||.
My identity with this all felt really fragmented, like all over the place.
The forum was a catalyst as this is where I first found out about euphoria and I think that my mind in ways tried to hold onto a lead to my identity, so it misfired some signals.
And when the possibility for me to be in the forum, what was like a part of my identity was cut, then it all collapsed, which is why I lost all direction of my identity, but in ways it was good for me.
maiden pecan
I actually currently do not feel bad after awhile of feeling just awful.
maiden pecan
I still don't believe it that I found a label that would describe me. It just feels like how the hell did I not try it out before or saw it that it fits.
This fluidity though can get frustrating, because you have to figure out what kind of expression fits you that moment.
And it does cause sometimes dysphoria.