After it all, I think everything has been too much. This may be my last night.
988 did a good deal of almost not helping me at all last time I texted their hotline and genuinely I'm starting to wonder if I can even be helped at all.
I'm sorry.
#Tonight will probably be my last. (TW: Suicide)
fluid scaffold
barren rapids
After it all, I think everything has been too much. This may be my last night.
...
Give them one more chance.
Don’t text them. If they have to actually talk to somebody they might get their shit together.
I’ve had those feelings their miserable and you’re afraid of a hotline because you worry you’ll be committed or some bullshit.
fluid scaffold
Im scared
barren rapids
That’s understandable
I’ve been scared of my self, others, and even my own family. There are so many things I can think of though besides suicide.
I want you to give it one more try and actually call somebody
fluid scaffold
Everyones always saying it will change. Its never changed for me. Ever. Every day I feel more alone. And more awful about myself
Things havent changed
Since I was 12 or so i said that I wouldn't make it to the next year
barren rapids
Everyones always saying it will change. Its never changed for me. Ever. Every da...
You got to put yourself out there. Find people like you.
barren rapids
There any queer folks near you?
barren rapids
There any queer folks near you?
Nothing can be more important than saving your fellow human’s life.
You are worth keeping
fluid scaffold
No one has time to focus on their high maintenance falling behind suicidal friend when half the time they're all suicidal too
barren rapids
From what I get you haven’t done anything bad yet.
fluid scaffold
From what I get you haven’t done anything bad yet.
Not yet
barren rapids
No one has time to focus on their high maintenance falling behind suicidal frien...
Are your parents good people?
fluid scaffold
Are your parents good people?
No
fluid scaffold
Some do some don't
barren rapids
Some do some don't
Find the best one and try to talk with them.
You need somebody to prop you up
fluid scaffold
Or do you have a good teacher?
Eh, most of them arent too fond of me bc im not a straight a kid
And plus
They'll just go and tell my parents again
barren rapids
You have a school councilor?
fluid scaffold
They all do
fluid scaffold
I have no adults i can trust
fluid scaffold
I have no one. Its true.
barren rapids
I doubt every single teacher that you have is a piece of shit.
Are there any queer teachers in the school?
fluid scaffold
They arent but they are mandated reporters that'll go snitch behind my back and tell my pos parents
barren rapids
They arent but they are mandated reporters that'll go snitch behind my back and ...
What will your parents do then?
fluid scaffold
Probably get super mad. They do things when they're mad. Maybe ill get my only source of communication taken. They might limit my food
They might make it so I cant leave the house
They'll use it against me
barren rapids
Why the fuck do they get mad?
That’s goddamn brain dead.
Fucking call cps or some shit they’ll have to help.
fluid scaffold
Because im "too much for them to deal with"
barren rapids
Try to get yourself into protective services
fluid scaffold
Cps has been over here twice and because im not poor they think I live fine.
My parents are amazing actors
barren rapids
Your parents seem to not be very equipped to actually parents. They’re seemingly a pair of psychopaths based off this description
Get cps again and force them to listen to you.
fluid scaffold
Then ill be put into foster care. I have a better chance at winning the lottery than being adopted at 15
barren rapids
Tell them that they shouldn’t trust a pair of abusive fuckwits.
barren rapids
Then ill be put into foster care. I have a better chance at winning the lottery ...
At least you won’t deal with them
barren rapids
No one would want me
I call bullshit. What are your hobbies?
That was weird
Basically what do you do. There has to be someone out there who’d like you
fluid scaffold
Why would anyone want a depressed suicidal trans boy with stomach issues
barren rapids
Why would anyone want a depressed suicidal trans boy with stomach issues
Because you shouldn’t let your fellow human die
Nobody should just leave their fellow man to perish. It’s fucking stupid.
You should not have to put up with this.
Maybe try going to an emergency room? They have anything for psychiatric stuff?
fluid scaffold
I wish I could
barren rapids
I wish I could
Why not?
fluid scaffold
With everything I wish I could
My fuckwit parents would have to come with too. Yk I can't get anything done unless they're there too
barren rapids
My fuckwit parents would have to come with too. Yk I can't get anything done unl...
There has to be something that they can do to help you get out of this abusive shitshow.
I guess you might have to run away or some shit. That or keep kicking until you can get a driver’s license and just leave.
You shouldn’t have to die you’ve done nothing that proves you to be a bad person.
fluid scaffold
Since I have nowhere to run where they wont find me, and im not sure i can put up with this, after 2 weeks of thinking about it I think im running out of options
barren rapids
Since I have nowhere to run where they wont find me, and im not sure i can put u...
Keep living for if nothing else to spite transphobes, bad people, and the assholes that wish us death.
You’re a bigger man than your piece of shit father.
I’m not going to sit by well you deal with this shit with zero help.
fluid scaffold
Every time I get misgendered I feel that rope tighten it seems. I see that awful deadname everywhere i go.
barren rapids
Every time I get misgendered I feel that rope tighten it seems. I see that awful...
Do manly shit. Just act like you own shit and have some reason to live. Talk like you’re one of the boys.
You have anyway to do binding?
Or like cut your hair short?
fluid scaffold
I do bind
fluid scaffold
People probably think im just flat
barren rapids
What state do you live in?
fluid scaffold
Minnesota
barren rapids
Minnesota
I do too.
This is a good state for queer youth.
You’ve just got to find someone.
I think Minnesota’s mental health hotline or whatever would help you.
fluid scaffold
Or like cut your hair short?
It was shorter but every time I keep cutting it everyone tells me I look like I did it myself or I look ugly
barren rapids
It was shorter but every time I keep cutting it everyone tells me I look like I ...
Do some manly shit.
You like fishing?
fluid scaffold
Yeah
barren rapids
You’re a bigger dude than any arsenal who misgenders you
barren rapids
Yeah
Try to get accomplished at this.
We’re a state of fishermen and you can brag about that and look like one of the boys.
fluid scaffold
My hairs not too long its right above my shoulders
barren rapids
Do you maybe want to go to DMs because potentially depending on how close we are I might be able to physically help.
fluid scaffold
Sure
nova sable
Why would anyone want a depressed suicidal trans boy with stomach issues
If you're comfortable sharing what do you mean by stomach issues
No pressure
fluid scaffold
If you're comfortable sharing what do you mean by stomach issues
My stomach gets upset very easily and hurts a lot. When it gets bad, once I felt like not eating at all due to nausea. I was down 15 lbs
I get nauseous very easily and im known for it in the nurses office
nova sable
At least the nurse knows your issues with your stomach
fluid scaffold
She unfortunately seems to think i come down there too often
nova sable
I'm sorry what the actual hell
You have the right to healthcare
That is a basic human right
fluid scaffold
Unfortunately some people seem to think its annoying
Or my parents complaining when I ask them to buy some things that maybe are easier on my stomach for when it gets bad
nova sable
Unfortunately some people seem to think its annoying
Some people that shouldn't form opinions like that like that's your entire job at the end of the day
nova sable
Or my parents complaining when I ask them to buy some things that maybe are easi...
Sound like bad parents
Based on that and other stuff you've said in this post
fluid scaffold
But it really does affect me sometimes
Especially during the summer
Im bad in hot weather and that mixed with my weak stomach makes me throw up sometimes :(
nova sable
Have you been to a doctor about this
fluid scaffold
Unfortunately Im not sure how to get in
I would like to go into the doctor's office though
nova sable
Biggest problem with that is deadnames (you have to book it by the name they have on file and they call you in by it)
fluid scaffold
And also im not sure how to get in without my parent scheduling it
modern gull
Idk if it'll help, but when I was at my lowest I was admitted to a mental hospital and it helped me. I was there for a month, but they taught me healthy coping mechanisms and I talked to a psychiatrist 2/3 times a week and they would adjust my meds accordingly
Maybe you could get admitted if you told the helplines what you want to do? They have to send someone if you tell them you're about to do it
nova sable
And also im not sure how to get in without my parent scheduling it
You can schedule it yourself however that involves saying your deadname
fluid scaffold
Im no longer in immediate danger
But I still do have issues that need to be worked out in order for me to continue
fluid scaffold
You can schedule it yourself however that involves saying your deadname
I can?
fluid scaffold
Im not sure how to do this
nova sable
Just eo you know this would involve saying your deadname out loud to refer to yourself
So you'd phone them ask to book an appointment for <time-date> under the name <deadname (full name)> if they don't have a phone you'd have to go in and ask for an appointment
I think you can ask them to refer to you by your name not your deadname I'm not too familiar with how this works though
fluid scaffold
Not 100% sure where to call
And are they gonna like
Charge me for it?
Or require someone to bring me or sign something?
nova sable
Or require someone to bring me or sign something?
You can walk there and I'm unsure of signing something
nova sable
Not 100% sure where to call
Google hospital name and general area should have it there
fluid scaffold
Forgot you pay for healthcate over there
Yeah thats my big issue
$200 charge probably just for some stomach problems that most do not care about :(
nova sable
Run to canada and ask for healthcare (joking)
nova sable
$200 charge probably just for some stomach problems that most do not care about ...
Doctors legally have to care about it i think
Also if i just stop responding one of 2 things happened
1 i fell asleep (this has happened mid conversation before)
2 my phone died
fluid scaffold
Thats alright
These issues are not easy to figure out
Thats why I said what I said earlier
nova sable
$200 charge probably just for some stomach problems that most do not care about ...
You're on about the second half of this yes
nova sable
Earliers breakdown gave me a nasty headache
That's not good at all (don't know how to respond to this sorry)
nova sable
You're keeping me some company and I really need the company
Nobody is a burden on anyone you need tbe help so here i am
fluid scaffold
Earlier today I felt completely hopeless
So thats why I said all I did
And im still confused. Im more distracted now I will say
nova sable
Quick question what time is it for you?
nova sable
Ok good to know (6 hours behind me)
nova sable
And im still confused. Im more distracted now I will say
What are you confused about?
If its not too personal of course
nova sable
I cant live so miserably
Do you have any friends whose parents are accepting?
I'm gonna go to sleep now but please try to survive the rest of your day
nova sable
See ya
fluid scaffold
Do you have any friends whose parents are accepting?
Yeah but unfortunately this doesn't do too much for me
nova sable
Can you not ask them to stay there for a while
fluid scaffold
I will take up too much space
I will take up too much time and money and my parents wouldn't let me do it anyway
No one would want me to stay with them
nova sable
I will take up too much time and money and my parents wouldn't let me do it anyw...
Why wouldn't your parents they seem neglectful in every other aspect
fluid scaffold
Why wouldn't your parents they seem neglectful in every other aspect
Bc they think they're amazing
They wouldn't understand why id want to leave
nova sable
Do they deadname you?
nova sable
Bc they think they're amazing
They sound far from it
fluid scaffold
Do they deadname you?
Mhm