I haven't cut myself in months. Normally this is something that I would be proud of. In fact I would still say I am proud. When I did practice I never felt like my experience was valid. I would tend to harm myself in different ways and not just the normal cutting. I would sometimes hit my head or destroy my own things and punch things until it felt like my hand would break. The small cat scratches made me feel like what I did wasnt valid enough to be considered self harm. I felt like a total wuss knowing others have it worse than I do. I didnt have much scarring to be honest. Most of the marks are barely visible just a shade lighter than the rest of my skin. Weirdly enough this makes me want to SH again. It feels as though if I don't have a scar it never happened at all. I know this thought process isn't right and that I shouldn't harm myself, yet part of me wants to for absolutely no good reason at all. Not out of pain or numbness, just simply because I can.
#Trigger Warning SH
summer pier
hollow venture
I get it. Trust me, you don't want to do that. I've already got plenty of scars simply because I have the ability to do it to myself, and for other reasons, and it's such a damn pain to try and hide them from people, especially because it's hard to keep making excuses when you constantly have cuts, since people do start getting suspicious over time. And also, self harm isn't just cutting yourself. It can manifest in a lot of different ways. Just because you don't have physical scarring doesn't mean it's not self harm and make it any less valid.