We're struggling with our mental health. TW! Sh

[nocturne inlet]

Sweet dreams Sen! ^^

🫂💖

[nocturne inlet]

"Take it far, give it a name! Places forget, stories remember..."

https://youtu.be/WNgn-m6IP_M?si=tQ4kILnSrzSxq2ID

We literally screamed and jumped in joy when this trailer was first released

We're pretty sure we're a Cole fictionkin

Context: we sent a gif of the Lark and immediately freaked out because we were like "holy moly, why is there a gif with us in it"

Also the fact that we act like them a lot (really anxious and shy all the time, but Kiylan also acts like that too, so we're not sure)

[nocturne inlet]

We crossed out our friend's name and stuff for privacy

We need to cross out a word in the second one 😭

But yeah, that's basically why we're angry

We practically live in a freaking dump

[nocturne inlet]

We keep getting random spikes of anxiety for no reason, it's getting so freaking annoying

[river nexus]

I really hope you find a work around for this, your grandpa most certainly needs moral work tho..

[nocturne inlet]

Our grandpa is chill

But honestly we can't wait for all of them to leave 😭

We can't wait to move out as well. But unfortunately that'll be a few years

Our chest hurts

[river nexus]

Why?

[nocturne inlet]

We were really anxious for no reason. We're better now! Just a bit shaky

No thoughts, just bug eyes

[river nexus]

I plan on moving out after high school

[nocturne inlet]

Take us with you 😭 /silly

[nocturne inlet]

Incredibly pissed off

Pissed off to the point of crying

[nocturne inlet]

Nevermind we were overreacting 😭
This happens literally every single night for some reason. Something happens to us and then we blow it out of proportion

[nocturne inlet]

Copied from a question we had in a server: "Are phantom wings, tails, ears, ect, when you feel like you physically have that thing when you actually don't? We've had a few occurrences when we'll have to stretch our wings only to find out we don't actually have any

Same goes with ears. We'll feel the need to move our ears and then realize that we don't actually have rabbit ears"

Our question was answered and basically this is confirming our alterhumanity 😭

ALSO!

Apparently there's been some folk in the community that thought that we should change phantom limbs to something else since it could be offensive to amputees, so a few ideas some came up with were illusionary features and figmental features!

They're chill for that

[river nexus]

I'm so sorry for not answering sooner, I was at a friends and forgot my phone

[river nexus]

I think of it as a feeling of like, you've had the thing in a past life (if you believe in dat stuff) and your current body still feels as though you still have them

[river nexus]

It's alright... I tend to do the same, but only if I'm actively texting someone late at night

[nocturne inlet]

It's completely okay, don't worry about it! We were just adding random things we found out and were thinking about, no need to apologize ^^

[nocturne inlet]

That's sort of the case for us. It's not necessarily a past life for us, but more as all of our lives are going on at the same time, so whenever we shift, it messes with our mind. It's like we're supposed to have those wings, tails, ect on our body, but it's not there

[river nexus]

Ohhhh

Okeys, so like... it's as if everytime you shift you feel as though you still have the physical attributes as your kins?

[nocturne inlet]

Yeah!

That's why some Alterhumans call it phantom limbs, because it's something that's supposed to be there, but it's not. We're calling them illusionary features though

[river nexus]

Ooooo, okeys

[nocturne inlet]

Yah :~]

[nocturne inlet]

AWE!!!! FROGGY!!

[nocturne inlet]

We hate talking about this, but for some reason we're doing it anyway

We're not sure why we ||cut||. We weren't having a mental breakdown this time, we didn't feel anything at all when we did it. We're concerned because usually when we ||cut ourselves|| it's because we're extremely upset

We're screwed if our mom sees our arm and legs

[nocturne inlet]

We think we might be getting worse

We had a spike in happiness and then all of it went down the drain and we don't know why

Why does our mood always change in a split second?

[nocturne inlet]

Everything hurts 💔

[nocturne inlet]

The urge to chew on stuff frfr

[nocturne inlet]

We feel weird

[river nexus]

Sorry for not texting today, I've been having to help with Thanksgiving preparations

[river nexus]

It's perfectly fine, ik sometimes it's hard to control an urge like that, it's alright

[river nexus]

I have the same things happen in certain situations, just try and breath, keep your mind as calm as you can

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[nocturne inlet]

SORRY WE COMPLETELY FORGOT TO CHECK THIS 😭😭

[river nexus]

Is okay

[nocturne inlet]

We're okay, what about you?

[river nexus]

Am alright

[nocturne inlet]

That's good! :D

[river nexus]

Ya

🖤

[nocturne inlet]

🩷

[river nexus]

How do you feel?

Also, any news on your kin(s)?

[nocturne inlet]

Nothing too new. Just the same news and whatnot

We don't really want to ||die|| anymore, at least not yet. We made a friend

[river nexus]

YIPPEE, what're they like?

[nocturne inlet]

They're really kind and open-minded. They also have similar interests that we like :D

[river nexus]

Oooo, das good

[nocturne inlet]

Yesh yesh :~]

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[nocturne inlet]

Feeling a bit indifferent. How are you?

[river nexus]

Okay, but I have a headache

[nocturne inlet]

We're a bit late to respond, but are you feeling better?

[river nexus]

Not really

[nocturne inlet]

Do you have any medicine that you can take?

[river nexus]

Yeah

Imma take some rq

[nocturne inlet]

Okay! :D

[river nexus]

🐬

[nocturne inlet]

🐑

[nocturne inlet]

We really need to make a short rant really quick 😭

We don't want to get into specific details, but we're in a situation right now where we hope that something bad is actually happening so we know that we're not being paranoid

But at the same time, we feel guilty for thinking about it. But we're not going to specify any details just in case the certain thing isn't actually happening

It's so freaking hard to trust people

[river nexus]

Oooo

[river nexus]

I know it is, but I tend to think about how I'll more than likely not even make it to 40, so I try to meet and talk to people if I feel like it

[nocturne inlet]

Fair-

On one hand, we hope that what we're thinking is true, but on the other we really hope it isn't

It's scary

[river nexus]

It'll be alright

Once it happens you'll at least be at ease rather than overthinking the possibilities

[nocturne inlet]

Fair

We really wish we could tell you what's going through our mind right now, but we don't want to say it here in case a certain person reads this. Like- what if we're wrong? It would be horrible to think someone's doing something when they're actually not

It's probably just our brain overthinking because it's almost midnight

We're going to rewatch a movie one of our friends introduced us to. Hopefully it'll ease up our thoughts

[nocturne inlet]

Okay, we were most likely just overthinking

[river nexus]

It'll be alright... try and breathe, maybe what you think will happen, maybe it won't... whatever is the outcome, y'all will get through it

[nocturne inlet]

It was because of the midnight overthinking. It's chill now :D

[river nexus]

Okeys

[nocturne inlet]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/564544696995676177/826972230801948712/image0.gif

[river nexus]

I agree

[nocturne inlet]

Indeed indeed

[river nexus]

How do you feel?

[nocturne inlet]

Feeling festive. How about you? :D

[river nexus]

Tired

Also fairly concerned...

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[river nexus]

Also, dis

[nocturne inlet]

How come?

[river nexus]

I have a problem with a few people...

So, a guy I'm fairly good friends with likes me...

[nocturne inlet]

Uh huh

[river nexus]

But I also have fwb with someone...

And I don't exactly want to end that part...

But I also somewhat want to get with the guy, but I think fwb while in relationship is cheating...

[nocturne inlet]

Ohhh

[river nexus]

And also I'm still on my ex...

[nocturne inlet]

Oh jeez :(

[river nexus]

Tis confusing and just skdienfjdn

[nocturne inlet]

What do you prefer more? Being with your friend, or the guy that likes you?

[river nexus]

Idrk...

Like, they both have pros and cons...

[nocturne inlet]

Ah

[river nexus]

Idfk... I'm so fucking confused...

[nocturne inlet]

We're sure things will get better ^^

Try to think about which relationship would be best and align with your values and stuff :D

[river nexus]

Okay, thank yous...

[river nexus]

?

[nocturne inlet]

We're okay, how about you?

[river nexus]

I'm doing alright, ended up gaining back a friend

[nocturne inlet]

That's amazing!! :D

[river nexus]

Ya

Did make them slightly stressed tho sadly

[river nexus]

I found something scary...

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[river nexus]

Happy birthday, Kaovin

[nocturne inlet]

TYYYYY!!!!! :D

[nocturne inlet]

What happened?

[river nexus]

You're welcome

[river nexus]

I found my 7th grade yearbook...

[nocturne inlet]

Oh dear :(

[river nexus]

Very scary

[nocturne inlet]

Year books are spooky

[river nexus]

🐬

How do you feel today?

[nocturne inlet]

Indifferent, how about you?

[river nexus]

I'm okay

[river nexus]

Any news on your kin(s)?

[nocturne inlet]

That's good! :D

[nocturne inlet]

Only thing that's different is that we think we might be getting shifts more frequently. Not entirely sure what's triggering them at the moment

[river nexus]

Ooo

How do you feel today?

[nocturne inlet]

We're not sure. What about you?

[river nexus]

I'm okay, but wdym?

[nocturne inlet]

We weren't sure about how we felt that day. We're still feeling the same though

[river nexus]

How do you feel?

[nocturne inlet]

We unfriended someone we recently became friends with. So not the greatest, but we feel less anxious

How about you?

[river nexus]

I'm okay

[river nexus]

Could you tell me about what happened?

[nocturne inlet]

It's just mainly because we felt uncomfortable. We were always anxious when we talked to them and they were also way older than us

[river nexus]

Ohhhh

That's understandable, it feels hard talking to someone even just a few years older

[nocturne inlet]

Yeah :(

[river nexus]

Tis hard talking to anyone irl for me

[nocturne inlet]

Same, we don't talk to anyone outside our friend group unless we have to

[river nexus]

How do yous feel?

[nocturne inlet]

We feel like we're slowly getting worse at socializing with people. We barely have the energy to give people proper responses when they talk to us

Nothing is really entertaining either. We're supposed to make a drawing for multiple people, but not even drawing is fun anymore. We can't get ourselves to do anything

[nocturne inlet]

Tried taking a shower and we feel even worse

[nocturne inlet]

We feel like complete shit. Contemplated on giving up again, we hate it

[river nexus]

Would you mind telling me what's going on?

[nocturne inlet]

We're not even sure. It's a mixture of our home life and whatever is going on with our mental health. We've had multiple mental breakdowns today. We havent ||harmed|| ourselves yet, which is good at least

The last part might not last long though

[river nexus]

That's perfectly fine that you use that as a coping system, but remember to try the others ways I sent you before

[river nexus]

Would you mind telling me how you've felt as best as you could describe it?

[nocturne inlet]

Sort of empty, but also not? We feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Barely anything is interesting to us. We can't get ourselves to do anything, we only ate food and went to the restroom a bit ago. We had to let Lu Lu out, but not even the fresh air made us feel any better

Everything is boring and uninteresting, including existing. We're tired, we don't know what's happening

Food is disgusting for us currently. We were disgusted and ashamed of ourselves for eating earlier

[river nexus]

Sometimes you feel like that, but just remember all the good stuff, try and put your mind in those moments... as for your boredom, if you can, try something new or do something you enjoyed

[nocturne inlet]

We don't really have anything new we can try. Nothing we can think of is affordable. We want to make gear, but we don't have glue or tape

When we think of good stuff, all we can feel is guilt. So that's not any better either. We don't deserve anything good. We thought about ||ending life||. We're selfish

We should probably be talking to a therapist right now. But our parents have shown they couldn't care about how we feel

We told our dad to his face that we wanted to ||end it||, yet he hasn't done a single fucking thing about it. What a reliable parent

[nocturne inlet]

We apologize for ranting about ||SH||

[river nexus]

It's perfectly fine

[river nexus]

Is there a way to convince your parents to get you a therapist?

[river nexus]

No, you're not selfish... your mind is telling you that you are, you're not. Another thing you can do is walk through places, try new paths, stuff like that

[nocturne inlet]

We've told our dad multiple times, even gave him a card that had a mental health professional's number on it. Telling our mom is risky because she'll probably just shrug us off and say we're overreacting

[nocturne inlet]

We'd walk through places and try new paths, but we're not allowed to leave too far from the house

[river nexus]

It's not particularly ethical, but maybe try showing symptons of what you have more often when around them and try to get a therapist that way

[river nexus]

Maybe try a show you haven't seen, you can also try arts and crafts stuff if you have the materials

[nocturne inlet]

It might work, we'll see

[nocturne inlet]

We'll try a show since we don't have materials for arts and crafts

[river nexus]

Okay, tell me how it goes

[nocturne inlet]

We'll let you know if anything happens

[river nexus]

Have been having problems today...

[nocturne inlet]

What happened?

[nocturne inlet]

Do we need to duel someone? >:~[ /j

[river nexus]

So, right as I woke up I got on Tiktok, saw my ex viewed my acc, texted twice and blocked them, got one friend pissed at me and another friend I'm pissed at

[nocturne inlet]

Your life is incredibly eventful

[river nexus]

Kinda

[river nexus]

Ekxkjd

[nocturne inlet]

Why are your friends mad at you, if we're allowed to ask?

[river nexus]

Idk, they haven't texted all day

But ik it was something about the ex viewing acc

[nocturne inlet]

Ah, do you know what might be the case, other than your ex viewing your account?

[river nexus]

Uhhh

They've had a lot of stress recently

(Sorry if I randomly stop responding, I'm tired as shit)

[nocturne inlet]

That could be the case

(Also no worries. You should probably go to bed)

[river nexus]

Sigh

[river nexus]

Twas fairly scary

[nocturne inlet]

At least they can't contact you now. Don't let them bring you down

[river nexus]

I already have zem blocked

Anyway

Goodnight, sweet dreams, Kaovin🖤 🫂

[nocturne inlet]

You as well Sen 🫂

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[nocturne inlet]

Not great. We have to go to school and we don't feel any better

[nocturne inlet]

We're about to get the school involved tomorrow with our living situation and our mental health situation

[river nexus]

That's good, I hope you get the therapist you want

[nocturne inlet]

Hopefully. But our parents will most likely be pissed and we'll get in trouble for calling out the current circumstance

And the landlord might get involved as well. So we'll probably get kicked out of our home

We wish we had a different family. A nicer one that actually cared about our well-being. We'd be happier

[nocturne inlet]

They give us stuff, which is cool and all. But getting things isn't really worth it when we can't even enjoy existing

[river nexus]

So sorry for not responding

[river nexus]

Maybe, but there's also a chance they'll finally realize you do need help from a professional

[river nexus]

Why would they kick y'all out?

[nocturne inlet]

No worries

[nocturne inlet]

She kicked out our past neighbor because the house was a mess. She's strict

[nocturne inlet]

Possibly. Best to not get our hopes up though

[nocturne inlet]

Is it normal for us to immediately want to ||kill ourselves|| because we make a small mistake? Like we'll do something that we regret, so our thoughts are immediately like ||"We should just kill ourselves now", "That was embarrassing, we should end it", or "You were being stupid, you should end your life, you're such a disappointment"||

[nocturne inlet]

Also we couldn't talk to the counselor while we were at school because she wasn't in her office when we had time to talk

[river nexus]

Not exactly... if you do ever feel like that, try to calm yourself... remember to practice your breathing, and slow your thoughts if you can

[nocturne inlet]

What happened?

[river nexus]

How do you feel today?

[river nexus]

Are you doing alright? Haven't texted in the server in a few days

[river nexus]

You doing alright?

[river nexus]

How've y'all been doing?

[river nexus]

Been a while, everything going alright?

[nocturne inlet]

We're back, we had our electronics taken away for a bit

[river nexus]

YAYYYYYYYY, missed y'all/p

[nocturne inlet]

WE MISSED YOU TOO!!

We were hoping you didn't think we were ||dead|| because of how long we were gone 😭

[river nexus]

Is okay

Any updates on your kins?

[nocturne inlet]

Yesh

So, they are most likely not kins from alterhumanity and actually a coping mechanism to protect us. Our mom suspects it could be that or BPD

She knows about our mental health situation now, that's why we were gone

And we came out to her as well

[river nexus]

That's good partially... if it is a coping mechanism, then das fine, any coping mechanism is good as long as it doesn't actively harm others or you

[nocturne inlet]

Yeah ^^

We're also taking medication too 🔥🔥

[river nexus]

Okey, das good as long as they help

How've you been feeling?

[nocturne inlet]

We've been okay, our mood has been up and down a lot. How about you?

[river nexus]

I've been alright, and I recently got a partner!

[nocturne inlet]

That's amazing!! We're happy for you :D

[river nexus]

THANK YOUS

[nocturne inlet]

OFFCCCCC

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1362541745136603207/1424176871582728323/1292622469688987769.gif

[river nexus]

Agreed

[river nexus]

How've y'all been doing?

[nocturne inlet]

Decent. Mostly tired and not tired at the same time with constant headaches. How about you?

[river nexus]

I'm doing okay. Anything you wanna talk about?

[nocturne inlet]

That's good! ^^

Hrmm... We're still dealing with our identity and stuff. Our brain is being a bit too silly

[river nexus]

Sorry for not texting back yesterday, I was at a friends house for their birthday... what all have you figured out about your identity?

[nocturne inlet]

No worries ^^

Not much really, other than that Kiylan and Anne are not kins and most likely something else

[river nexus]

What do you think it is?
-# I'm so sorry for responding this late

[nocturne inlet]

It's chill, dw

Probably BPD or a coping mechanism tbh

[river nexus]

Ohhh, are you able to test for it?

[nocturne inlet]

Eventually, hopefully

[river nexus]

Okay, das good

I'm going to meet my partner next month

[nocturne inlet]

Ohh, exciting! :D

[river nexus]

Ya

[nocturne inlet]

We wish you the best of luck 🫂

[river nexus]

Thank yous

[river nexus]

How've y'all been feeling?

[nocturne inlet]

Sick 😭

What about you?

Also our house is clean :3

[river nexus]

I hope you get better soon. I'm alright, my cousin's having a kid and another cousin's having a wedding, so I have to go to a baby shower and wedding prep today

[nocturne inlet]

Oh wow, that seems like a lot

[river nexus]

Yeah, but tis fine... my cousin's trying to decide whether or not their daughter's gonna be named Lia or Emma

[nocturne inlet]

She should name her Elia frfr

[river nexus]

Oooo, maybe

[nocturne inlet]

We hope you have fun though. Those are pretty big events to happen so close together

[river nexus]

Yeah, but I should be fine... I just got some new earbuds, and I'll prolly stay away from people

[nocturne inlet]

Oh, quite understandable. Crowded places aren't our thing either

[river nexus]

Yeah, but I've only been to one baby shower..

[nocturne inlet]

Oh

[river nexus]

Ya, it'll be fine tho

I went to one with my ex and their friend a couple months ago

[nocturne inlet]

Did everything go okay?

[river nexus]

Yeah, it was alright

[nocturne inlet]

Slay :D

Did you steal cake? >:~]

[river nexus]

Nein, sadly was no cake
(Sorry for responding so late, currently at a friends)

[nocturne inlet]

Aw man 😔

No worries btw!

[river nexus]

Ya, twas sad

[nocturne inlet]

They should've had cake frfr /silly

[river nexus]

Ik, I wish they did... anyway, how are y'all?

[nocturne inlet]

We're doing fine right now. What about you?

[river nexus]

I'm okay, I'm at a friends rn

[nocturne inlet]

Ooo, fun! :D

[river nexus]

Ya, but now am at home

[nocturne inlet]

Slay >:~]

[river nexus]

How've y'all been recently?

[nocturne inlet]

Debating our identity constantly 😭

[river nexus]

What's going on?

[nocturne inlet]

The thing that we said in the help desk and also Kiylan and Anne are being dumb 😔

Also, new pfp?

[river nexus]

Ya, my partner asked me to match it with them

[river nexus]

Just try and think cleary

Best thing to do, get whatever's comforting to y'all, sit silently and focus on your breathing only

[nocturne inlet]

Slay

[river nexus]

Don't think about sounds, yourself, anything

That's how I mainly help myself with things like that

[nocturne inlet]

Thank you Sen 🫂

[river nexus]

Y'all are welcome, Kaovin

🫂

[nocturne inlet]

🫂

[river nexus]

Btw, I made a post in here somewhere yesterday if y'all wanna look

Idrk what else to do or how to solve it, so I just live on day by day

[nocturne inlet]

We will ^^

[river nexus]

Okeys, good!

[river nexus]

How've y'all been?

[nocturne inlet]

Not the greatest. What about you?

[river nexus]

I'm okay, wanna talk about it?

[nocturne inlet]

That's good at least /gen

We've stated most of what we're feeling in that new post. There's other stuff we don't even know how to express. It's hard to put our feelings into words

[river nexus]

That's fine, I get that... I have a hard time figuring out what I'm feeling as well

[nocturne inlet]

It's nice to know we're not alone sometimes

[river nexus]

You ever wanna talk, just @ me or reply to a random chat in here

[nocturne inlet]

Thank you

[river nexus]

How've yall been? Sorry it's been so long since I last texted, I've had tests and some random stuff that's been keeping me busy