I’m so cooked y’all 😭🙏 (ED, SH and suicidal thoughts mentioned)

[proud rain]

i just had a snack after not eating all day because i have a ✨crippling fever✨ and felt guilty for having a cookie also the thoughts are coming back and if i tell my therapist about it i’m getting locked up i fear chat do i hold it in until after australia or risk 20.000€ of hard earned money for my six months abroad bc if i develop an eating disorder now they won’t let me go and if i pose a risk to myself or others they won’t let me go either like i think i could manage but question is is it morally okay to just not tell anyone about an eating disorder and if i start cutting again to keep the thoughts at bay i’m ALSO being locked up for selfharming isn’t that great

[thin summit]

if u wanna chat here or dms i can help? or u can js vent