Whoever needs help send me a message (pls ping)

[sturdy herald]

I'm not a professional, but I can help here or dms

[waxen solstice]

I think I might have an eating disorder

[runic saffron]

hmm

maybe i have one to

[sturdy herald]

Sry I was in school, do u wanna chat here or dms?

[waxen solstice]

I don’t mind

[sturdy herald]

Ok

[sturdy herald]

Btw I'm sorry if I can't help you very much, because I haven't really dealt with eating disorders much before

Like ik what they are, and my parents have told me that they think I might have one, but I just don't know how much I can help

I will try my very best tho

And if I fail, I will try my hardest to find someone who can help you better than I can

[waxen solstice]

Thank you

[sturdy herald]

so, why do u think you have an eating disorder?

[waxen solstice]

i am kinda obsessive about food and go hours or days without eating, because of stress or homphobia/ bullying

[sturdy herald]

do you use it as a coping strategy or more of an isssue of body dysmorphia?

[waxen solstice]

i cut, often

[waxen solstice]

its not the right thing to do but its the only one that helps

[sturdy herald]

also by 'obsessive' do you mean like reading nutrition labels and eating obsessively healthy, or just eating nothing at all

[sturdy herald]

what 'benefits' are you experiencing from the cutting

some people say that it distracts them, or the pain is calming in a way

or maybe you are punishing yourself

[waxen solstice]

both? it changes

[sturdy herald]

okay

do you just cut randomly, or in high-stress situations?

[waxen solstice]

When im stressed

[sturdy herald]

and is the eating thing in episodes, or all of the time?

[sturdy herald]

do you think it helps in any way?

and also what are you attempting to accomplish in your mind by cutting

[waxen solstice]

Yes, it kinda makes me feel better for a short time

[sturdy herald]

but long term does it help or hurt more

[sturdy herald]

also what part of it

is it satisfying, you feel like you deserve it, you feel comforted by it

[waxen solstice]

i deserve it.

[sturdy herald]

first of all, i promise that you do not

second of all, is this because of thoughts, or actions that you have done

if you are ok with sharing that

is competely ok if not

[waxen solstice]

i dont really remember

[sturdy herald]

is it situation specific, or one big thing that is nagging at you?

most of the time*

[waxen solstice]

homophobia is a main 'trigger' and mostly just anxiety and stress

[sturdy herald]

and why do you feel that you should be punished for others actions?

[waxen solstice]

i didnt stop them, i didnt stand up for it i just shrink back and if i do stand up i get beaten back

[sturdy herald]

you can't control them, and the best thing you can do is tell a trusted adult, like your parents, a counselor, or therapist or teacher how they are making you feel, and know that they are not right and you dont deserve their hate

[waxen solstice]

No, the last time an adult found out i had to speak to a counsellor for ages and they just made it worse.

[sturdy herald]

I used to do this too, but trust me when i say within 2 ish weeks of me telling someone and starting to not take their shit, they left me alone

[sturdy herald]

how did they make it worse?

too much pressure on you?

[waxen solstice]

it taught me to hide it better and to give up on trying to get better

[sturdy herald]

ah.

well they should not have told you that and you should be able to proudly be yourself, and you don't deserve to be sad and in the dumps

[waxen solstice]

no i just got a really shitty counselor that jsut made me feel like it was my fault and i was the one to blame, i attempted suicide while i counselling because of it

[sturdy herald]

hmm

[sturdy herald]

well first of all i need to make sure that you KNOW that what they are doing is not okay, and not your fault. you do not deserve this treatment.

and second of all, before u attempted, what was going through your head?

i also need to know if you feel a risk of attempting again

[waxen solstice]

I think so.

[sturdy herald]

on a scale of one to ten, one being just passing thoughts, and ten being that you have a plan and you plan on enacting it very soon

[waxen solstice]

7-8, I sometimes carry a note in my pocket and have some form of a plan if an opportunity presents itself

[sturdy herald]

what 'opportunity' are you looking for? parents out of the house? after school there are weapons for sale and you have money?

and also what is stopping you in your mind from attempting right now or in an hour or something

[waxen solstice]

When my parents aren’t home and the cabinet we keep our medicine in is quite full

[sturdy herald]

are your parents loving in your eyes?

[waxen solstice]

Me not thinking about it till now and my parents being home

[waxen solstice]

Yea but only if a mask I put up around them

I’m trans they don’t know that

I’m bi they have no clue

[sturdy herald]

would you ever consider coming out to them about either of these things?

[waxen solstice]

I tried to talk to them once about the bad counsellor and they just waved me off as I’ll get use to it and it’ll help

[waxen solstice]

No, they wouldn’t accept omit

[sturdy herald]

do you have a therapist?

[waxen solstice]

It*

[waxen solstice]

No

[sturdy herald]

or any trusted adults?

[waxen solstice]

1 but idk if they would have the time to listen

[sturdy herald]

is your community accepting?

[waxen solstice]

No

[sturdy herald]

is it a teacher, a friend's parent, a professional mental health specialist?

[waxen solstice]

Friends parent

[sturdy herald]

would you ever consider sitting them down, and telling them your situation

or asking for help on a crisis line?

[waxen solstice]

Their protocols or whatever would label me as a threat to my one life and that would bring in more people that I do not want or need rn

[sturdy herald]

also what stops this from being a 10?

[waxen solstice]

I have friends that if I died they’d probably commit as well

Me dying puts them at risk

I can’t do that to them

But they are getting better I’m just getting worse

[sturdy herald]

i know people who volunteer for these crisis lines and they say the only time they call police or backup is when you have the pills in your hand, or the knife to your throat, so if you call in a calmer situation then im sure that they will only be helpful for you

[sturdy herald]

are you close with your frind, or have you come out to them?

[waxen solstice]

That’s the thing, I’ve been there

[waxen solstice]

Yes, they know me better then anyone, but idk if they know a mask or me, idk if I know me

[sturdy herald]

i have arecommendation

a recommendation*

if you get a piece of paper, and write down all the things that come to mind when yyou think of the word 'self' or 'identity'

they can be drawings

or feelings

anything you think fits

[waxen solstice]

You sure your not a professional? You sound like one

[sturdy herald]

im 13

i've just been through a lot of therapy so ik a lot of the things that they use

[waxen solstice]

Damn I’m older, thank you. So much

[sturdy herald]

lol

[waxen solstice]

Anyway I gtg now, by and thank you

[sturdy herald]

wait

promise me you will think about doing the activity

[waxen solstice]

I will

[sturdy herald]

after u do the first part, you think of what that means for u

[waxen solstice]

Gotta find a pen

Anyway bye

[sturdy herald]

for example if you said ethnicity as part of your things that make up an identity

[sturdy herald]

imma js write it out so u can read it later okay>

[sturdy herald]

then you would write yours

or for what you value

then you could write 'friends' or 'freedom of expression' or even like 'alone time' or something

and once you write what they all mean to u

you can look at all of them and write why you value them, or why you love yourself for them

for example with ethnicity you could say you love being [whatever ethnicity you are] because of the food, or the people you connect with because of it or the holidays associated with it.

then see all the things you appreciate about yourself

also if you have a phone or device, i reccomend the finch app

they also have a discord server, and the app has proven to be pretty helpful for me

it helps you with motivation and getting things done

thank you for talking with me

sorry i didnt rly get to the eating disorder very much

if you want to keep talking i am availible for most of tommorow except from after like 330 pm est