I feel like I'm becoming a worse person with each passing day. I'm 15, and my secondary male sexual characteristics are making me more like my father and the many men who hurt my mother and me throughout my life. I feel disgusted by this. I feel like my friends don't like me and haven't abandoned me yet out of pity. I feel useless when I remember that my brother is a sociable person who does many important things during the day, while I can't even handle school properly. I can't talk to psychologists because I'm too afraid they'll judge my thoughts, even though I know they wouldn't. I'm disgusted by my past and cry when people remind me of it. I don't even know who I really am, and I try to please people who don't even like me just to avoid being hated. I try to please everyone with my way of being, and this ends up making me a different person everywhere I go.
#There's something wrong with me
scarlet cairn
zinc tiger
With as much love and respect as one internet stranger can give...
Of course there's something wrong with you. You're 15. Everything in your body is changing and your hormones are doing their best to turn your body from a childs to an adults.
But it doesn't last forever.
Alot of people are social chameleons, you just need to find people you vibe with and have fun. You are growing into your skin, and while right now it feels awkward and wrong, think of it like a new winter coat. You start off with a stiff garment, hyper aware of every noise it makes and how it looks. But after a while, if the coat is your style, you forget about all that and throw it on to go out without the worry you'll move your arm wrong on the bus and make a sound. You just have to break it in a little bit. Same with personality and appearance. As long as you aren't forcing yourself to be something thats not your style, you'll get comfier in your skin.