Why do I do this (TW:S/H mentions)

[willow nimbus]

I have been struggling with my mental health for quite a bit of time now. I few years back, I fell into a really bad depression episode and I cut myself for the first time. Over the last few years, I wanna say I've cut myself about 200-ish times and have about 24 visible scars now. Ive been trying to quit for at least 5 months now but Ive ended up relapsing many times. I have found a coping mechanism that worked about twice then, the effect of it stopped working on me. I regret that first cut I made, its still there on my wrist and I can't get it to go away. I don't know what to do anymore. Please give some advice or at least encourage me to stay clean.

[acoustic shoal]

Some of the things that work with me are:
Listening to music I like
Singing
Reading
Scrolling on my phone
Watching TV
Really anything that takes my attention away from my depressive episode. Everyone is different and likes different things, but I tend to just distract myself. Do you think they could work?

[strong nacelle]

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. You must be feeling confused and scared, but I want to tell you that it's not your fault and it can be fixed. Can you please tell me how old you are?

[willow nimbus]

Im not comfortable sharing my actual age but, I am in the age range of 13-15.

[strong nacelle]

All right, sorry for asking this kind of question, but it's necessary to understand why you started doing that.
Can you tell me how long ago did you start doing this?
And what usually happens before you start doing it?

[willow nimbus]

I started around three or so years ago and, tbh, Im not really sure what happens before, I feel like it just happens.