probably extremely stupid (tw - vomit+suidical thoughts)

[stone grove]

I just regained somewhat control over my body so i don't really know how to explain because it sounds so dumb and I was going to post this like an hour ago but things only got worse. So basically I have terrible emetophobia and I also have really bad issues with stomach pain (it's extremely overstimulating and scary for me). Lucky for me (/s), I've had insane stomach pains all day and have been dry heaving a shit ton , and as I was trying to type this earlier my pain got worse (worse than any pain I've experienced probably, it was THAT bad) and I started vomiting. I spent the last hour or so in my bathroom, half-naked bc of the heat, throwing up and crying uncontrollably while my mom fucking hummed me songs and dabbed me with a cold rag. despite me being a full grown adult. The part of this that feels stupid is that whenever I get these reeally bad illness problems like vomiting or sever stomach pain, it very much so triggers my depression. Instead of coping with it like a normal person, my brain INSTANTLY starts with that little voice telling me to kill myself. It makes the whole experience even more anxiety inducing, which in turn ups my sickness and vomiting, which then ups the anxiety and depression, and so on. I just regained the ability to stand again and made it into bed to write this, but I guess I'm just extremely overwhelmed with all of this. (NOTE: there is no actual risk of me attempting, my idealizations have only been passive for a good long while now, but as I'm sure you all know or can guess, the passive idealizations are just as upsetting and stressful) (NOTE PART 2: If anyone has any tips to help either lessen anxiety around vomiting/illness, cope with anxiety, or just relax in general that would work for someone extremely sensitive to stimulus atm, please lmk)

*I am still not feeling well at all so apologies for any typos or parts that don't make sense, my brain is extremely fuzzy and overwhelmed. i feel so lame talking about this in a random discord server but i'm really struggling

[molten frigate]

holy shit mara i'm sorry you have to deal that 🫂❤️
i don't really know how to help but i really hope you feel better ❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂

[stone grove]

much appreciated Robin, thank you :)

[molten frigate]

yw :]

[stone grove]

the fuckass pain is back. i've been chill for HOURS and now i wanna cry again (i know nobody reads these but it's helpful to put it out there)