TW!.I lost hope in all my aspects of life.

[daring totem]

|| I have been extra sad and idk why ..I lost my one week clean streak today at school and I was ready to celebrate my one week , I have no one even , my friend who understands me stopped answering my texts, maybe her dad took her phone away, but I see her active, and leaves me delivered, my other friends always leave me out and treat me like a kid, my other friend I always hang out with doesn't understand and doesn't wanna hear me.. today I had terrible thoughts repeating saying my attempt should've worked I shouldn't be here I should be dead and that i should try again and don't tell anyone. I have my reasons for it such as maybe people will care about me and I deserve it and I'm a failure who deserves to be off this planet and no matter how much advice I give I can't take my own advice and I just wish I was confident but I always feel like there is weight on me ik there's smth wrong with me. I have been thinking of relapsing and when I finally did I keep regretting it but it is worth it but oh I'm disappointed, I just wanna shut off my self . I feel like if I get too excited and talk more people will get disgusted in me and think I'm too eager so I just wanna silence myself forever..||

[placid flicker]

first of all, I'm glad you almost got to a week!! that's a big accomplishment :3 you don't need to be sad that you didn't get to a week, think on the bright side!! you almost did! and you should keep trying to be strong!!!

and, if you're friends don't want to talk to you anymore, you shouldn't care about them. at least, if that's true that they don't want to talk to you anymore. it might just be in your head but I don't know!! it's your experience. but anyway, you shouldn't keep caring about someone if they aren't apart of your life anymore. they shouldn't matter. I know it's hard to get over people sometimes, I've been through it, but you shouldn't have to care about them.

no one should have to be telling themselves that they're a failure, and that they deserve to be off this planet! because no one deserves that! take a minute to think... you did nothing wrong. you're only existing like the rest of us.

also, if you want to be excited and talk a bunch, do it. people love that shit so don't care too much!! and you shouldn't let your feelings sink down into you instead of letting them out because of other people! that's crazy! you should do things for yourself!!

if you keep experiencing those thoughts after a bit, I would recommend (if you want) to start trying to talk to a therapist? or just tell someone else like your parents, if you still have any, or your guardian, one of your relatives, just someone you know and trust!!!

you got this 🫶 I know you can make it through these tough times!! you're strong!! believe in yourself. always look on the bright side instead of putting yourself down. and stay safe, please.

[daring totem]

Genuinely this advice helped, ur great at comforting but there's a problem ♥
Yes I have been considering therapy but the problem is I can't tell my parents they won't like what happened to me and won't understand, and the bad part is, I have no one other than the people I listed , I tried talking to a friend I never talked to about my feelings but it kind of helped , she noticed how left out I was being constantly too. So now I know it might not be in my head, ur right that idk if they could actually hate me or just it's something else