heavy moth
I am genuinely considering going back to my dad’s (check our previous post for context, but TLDR; it was shit there) for longer than a few days and also to text our bestie again, who we stopped talking to after SHE broke off our friendship when I asked for a break during a rocky period of our friendship and a very stressful irl life.
I am losing my shit. I am losing my mind. These people shouldn’t be forgiven and yet I can’t find it in me to hate them. I genuinely can’t. I find myself wanting to go back to how it was before.
The happiness.
But I know I shouldn’t because that happiness isn’t real. It’s ephemeral. It’s part of an abusive cycle. I shouldn’t. But it’s on my mind. It’s been for a few days.
I… don’t know how to stop it. Am I the problem? Is it me, Koriyn, who is causing this??? Am I the reason we’re so fucked up right now? I love fronting. It’s fun. I get to talk to people and see my homeland again through video games. I get to dream and think deeply. All things we don’t really have time to let me do when I’m not active or fronting.
By the gods I need this to stop. Make it stop
Make it stop
obtuse kayak