confessed to my best friend, idfk why

[mystic pollen]

2 things to note before story time
im really mentally unstable right now, i havent ||cut|| in a week but my mental still isnt the healthiest
im also somewhere on the aro line where i confuse romatic attraction with intense platonic attraction

story time, ok so at like 2 am yesterday i sent a really longwinded message to my best friend, essentially confessing to them. after some deliberation among myself i dont feel that way about them, so i was kinda relived when they declined. however im super worried about my friends leaving me, so i sent some stuff along the lines of "do you hate me" and they havent responded which obviously means they hate me and theyre my best friend and uh thats it. i kinda just wanted to write this down, but ig feedback would be nice if yall so wish

[unkempt canyon]

In the past I lost a lot of friends too. And I know that I can be really annoying sometimes plus a lot of my friends bullied me because I want to be trans. But never forget that you can always find new friends, and just be yourself when you talk with your friends and if they ignore you just don’t care about it. Sorry if I misunderstood something

Btw a lot of people hate when someone asks them that “do you hate me?” So maybe that could be a problem