I hate myself (tw : suicide, depression).

[normal flame]

Hi im 19yo, I'm in a very bad state rn, that's why I write this. Recently I found out I am very likely to be trans (mtf), that already f*cked up my mood a little. But, recently I have been thinking a lot about myself, my life, my actions, etc. A lot of memories came back and I realized I did not have a great behaviour toward women, and a way of thinking that still despise me. I deeply hate myself for it, it makes me think I dont deserve to be a woman, but I have trouble leaving as a cis-boy (dysphoria). I feel like I make all the bad choices and decisions in my life and that I could only fix things by resetting my life. I don't see other solutions except killing myself.

[vast tree]

Don't try it, im here for you.

Is there any way you could be able to say sorry to the people you hurt?

And also, nobody can deny you the right to be what you want to be, not even yourself. I know you can be a woman and if you weren't nice to the women you met that doesn't mean you can't join them.

Please seek therapy, i am not a professional and if you need help with Suicidal tendencies either call 988 if you are in the U.S. or look at the wikipedia article which contains the suicide hotline numbers for each country. (I cannot link it due to being low level)
I love you and if you wanna write to me in private chat feel free. Im here.

[normal flame]

I already tought about that, I'll try, it might help me

[vast tree]

see, you're doing great.

[normal flame]

I'll consider it, ty you're so kind