#Genderfluid or even more?

17 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

weary thorn
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(Note: not sure wether to post this in here or in help desk, but the problem is kinda major so I figured here)

So, I´m genderfluid and kinda trans. However, I´m not sure if its me just being genderfluid or if its more than that. My emotions, my gender, my personality, my music taste, my time perception, my mood, pretty much everything is changing in phases. I have like 3 different phases that have distinct features.
One is (male) femboy, where I´m confident, euphoric, expressive, a bit autistic and hyperactive, and in a very good mood. Then there is the female phase where I wanna be trans badly. I´m dysphoric, and I literally cant remember any other traits. I dont even have memories of me being one, but I know i sometimes am. Then there is the bigender phase, where I´m in what I like to consider my base. Just chill with nothing notable.
The weirdest thing? when my phase changes, I quickly forget basically everything. Example: I literally have no idea what happened before lunch (its 4pm). All I know is that I vented, no idea about what. If you ask me to recall yesterday, the only memory I have is listening to music in the evening. Thats it. not a single moment other than that.
And then there is music. My music taste can very well say what phase I´m in. Nu metal/melodic emo rock as female, trancecore as male, and either as bi. I´ve been testing and this is actually helpful to know what phase I am in.
So, I`m wondering: is this just being genderfluid, or is there something way bigger behind this?

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Even my name doesnt fully fit either

weary thorn
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I forget what phase I was in, what I was doing, it feels like i just woke up

dusky flicker
weary thorn
grave gale
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Being genderfluid and transgender are not mutually exclusive. That said, this sounds like a journey of exploration. It will take you a while to figure it all out, and I'll be honest, it takes awhile. But in the meantime, during those dysphoric phases, you could try dressing different. See if it helps any.

weary thorn
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I mean, even just those few hours later i more feel like my personality does shift kinda intense. My mood can go from hype to really bad in literally seconds. Another thing making me believe this is the way it changes. it goes from a weird feeling to brain fog to waking up as someone else in like a minute.

grave gale
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nod Do you have access to a councillor/therapist at all? Mood shifts like that can be several different things (dysphoria, depression, bipolar, bpd, did, etc.) and if it winds up being a medical thing, the sooner it's addressed, the sooner it can get under control.

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(PS: Split personality is officially called Dissociative Identity Disorder. I've known folks with it. Good people.)

weary thorn
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Even my typing is different, I make more mistakes

grave gale
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If you still go to school there might be a councillor you can ask

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idk, im sleepy tho. Cookies for you in the meantime as i go faceplant in bed.

weary thorn
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I mean, I am literally having age regression, sometimes. And I could go ahead and call helplines that also support therapy-ish sessions (on phone to reduce anxiety)

grave gale
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definately sounds like a complicated net of several, im not a therapist tho so i can't erally pin it down any further than likely DID on top of genderfluid. It's definately not JUST one tho. Best to look for a professional diagnosis in this case.

quaint hinge
weary thorn