#How do I come out to my grandparents...

8 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

solemn quiver
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Hi people :).
I'm soon going to my Nan's (grandmother) with one of my (very young) cousins, and have been thinking of tell her and my grandpa that i'm trans.
Some context: I've been transfem for about a year now and my parents haven't been supportive, and we haven't really talked too much about it... but i'm working on it.
I've told my cousin's mother already and even if she (my cousin) hears she likely won't remember, which is okay with me. I'm not ready to tell a 5 year old about this stuff yet.
My brother is trans and has already come out to my entire extended family, and so its thankfully not anything new for them. They have continued to correctly name and gender him, so I was thinking that they may do similar with me.
But... thats what I had thought was going to happen with my parents, which hasn't been the case :(.

tldr;
My grandparents gender and name my brother correctly, but I'm going to be near-ish to my 5yro cousin (theres ways around her hearing i can figure out). I would like to tell them about my being trans, but I don't have the support of my parents yet, and I had assumed that they would be supportive after my brother, which was false.

Should I tell them?
If I don't, why not?
If I do tell them, have you got any tips other than "write it down"?

solemn quiver
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How do I come out to my grandparents...

hasty shoal
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Hii! Im going to try to give you some advice. Ok so considering your cousin is 5 years old, it’s okay to think she won’t understand very well or even remember. So if you’re more comfortable speak with your grandparents about this when she’s not around. So I’m assuming your grandparents are your mom’s parents and not your father’s right? So considering it all, I think you should try to tell your grandparents about that. If they support your brother, i dont see why that would be different with you (but you said your parents support your brother but not you which I don’t understand why). But take time to think about it and, if you don’t feel comfortable coming out to them, you don’t have to. You don't owe them anything, nor are you obligated to come out. So don't feel pressured to do so if you don't feel comfortable. And one day later, when you feel ready, you can come out. But don't pressure yourself into doing something you don't want to do because you're not obligated! Hope this helps :))

solemn quiver
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Hi thanks for the advice :).
As for my parents supporting my brother but not me, I think it may have something to do with that he's been out to them for I wanna say 5 years now, but I've only been out for about 8 months to them.

hasty shoal
solemn quiver
# hasty shoal Ahh yeah that makes sense! Like maybe they just need some time to process things...

I thought that for the first little while... but then after a bunch of arguments that I don't remember well enough to recall, I realised that my dad had began to think that I was weaponising it :(. About a month ago I did tell him that I wasn't and gave my reason for why I had only really mentioned it during arguments (I had felt that it would only cause more arguments and I thought "may as well, i'm already being hurt so they can't hurt me much more")

hasty shoal
solemn quiver