rustic flicker
The objectively least painful thing I am going through right now is having to move, the second most painful is the prospect of having to get rid of pets, third most accepting that my aunt and uncle are too far gone to addiction and mental health for help, the most painful thing there is a chance I could lose the woman I love, the combined horror of everything that has happened to me in the last year and currently and how much it all hurts has built because I just kept going thinking there would eventually be a break where I could just stop and process it all, I am surprised I'm not suicidal I am really surprised I'm not having self-harm urges, I'm surprised that I haven't thrown my life away completely yet. Let me explain how we get to now
Earlier this year my aunt and uncle were involved in a legal dispute where they had their reputation ruined so they turned to substances to cope, fast forward a little while and about mid June at my birthday party was when it hit me for the first time that things aren't ok on the shared property my family lives on, I saw my uncle and he wasn't acting a lot like himself and I just felt this crushing feeling in my gut that this was the last time I'd see him. After that things continued to worsen, about a month ago when we told our family we were moving, my aunt asked for my mom and dad to save the trailer for one of my cousins, I can't even begin to tell you how unsafe that trailer is, there's a reason we don't live in it. But they seriously think that it has potential... And something about that was just deeply disturbing to me. Now the pets, in May I was given 3 turkey poults by a local farmer because they lost their mom, I adore these little guys but it has become apparent to me that I cannot keep all 3, I already know who I will keep, it is Paul. It hurts to let the others go, but I also know that this is for their sake not mine and that Paul and the others will be happier with this situation.