Second Vent TW: ||SH||

[hollow mantle]

In my last vent or something, one user had helped me out a bit. I guess. Just a guess here, but other users may have ignored it because it had so many comments on it. But the comments were all from me venting about my situation, no solutions until later. With that one user that helped me out or tried, I still didn’t get any full answers. The conversation ended with a question from me still unsure what to do. I haven’t done anything since, waiting for a reply. I don’t want to put pressure on [anonymous] so I apologise if I do put any pressure on them.

I’ve cut myself multiple times now. It’s a new thing I started a few days ago. I also feel as if my relationship with my best friend is drifting a little bit, and I want to fox that but I don’t have any motivation for anything. A comment someone made recently has made me question my identity again, after I finally stopped questioning everything. Now I’m stuck in the same pit as I was before.

I can’t do anything to help myself still. I’m still sitting here waiting for this “phase” to go by, but every second of it hurts, unless if I am with my friends, having fun, and being distracted from that. I haven’t had fun for a while so yeah :P. I can’t just ask to arrange a time with my friends, because I’m too scared to ask my parents. Nearly every interaction every meet up I arrange they use to turn on me, pointing out my lack of organisation, communication, and participation. So I pretty much rely on invites from my friends. But it makes me feel guilty.

“[my name] doesn’t deserve to exist.” Words said by a former classmate of mine has stuck with me for longer than I liked. I still think of those words every single day, there’s not a day I don’t. I feel numb more often lately, more hurt, and I can’t help myself because I don’t even know the cause of it. Maybe I do, but I cant recall the problem.

I’m just a heartless, cold blooded selfish coward, and you can’t tell me I’m not. Not when my own mother, the person that brought me into this torturous world said that to myself in person. I know it was me because it there was only me and her in the room, and she was pointing at me.

Note: there are many people behind this post that have no answers and may be seeking some. Please help them out before helping me. That is if you bothered to click on here.

Also, I’d like to apologise that I couldn’t censor my title. It doesn’t wanna censor itself as you can see.

Second Vent TW: ||SH||

[stray geyser]

Hello! I don’t usually comment on posts but I saw this one and see that it received no responses and I can relate with a little of what you said here, even if I’m sure our experiences differ.

It seems like your parents are a big stressor in your life, and I think it’s understandable that this affects you to the degree it does, but please remember: Your current situation is not permanent. One day (depending on your age), you can move out and leave it behind you. Of course, seeing as you already feel guilt, you will need therapy. And I recommend getting it soon if you already struggle as you do.

I’m so sorry you feel the way you do. I see you commenting here a lot, while I do not know you, I promise you’re neither selfish nor cold blooded. Please stay safe.

[hollow mantle]

Thank you so much for replying ❤️ it means a lot

About the therapy, I’ve asked my mother to see some help, but she thinks I’m fine. I’ve already tried to tell her something so simple and she made a 3 day argument out of it, so I’m scared to say anything. I could go to the school guidance counsellor, I guess, but I’m scared it’ll affect me academically.

[stray geyser]

Of course!

I don’t think it’ll affect you in that way since guidance counselors have no direct influence on what you do academically! Of course the thing with your mom is aggravating because I think you do require help. Maybe you need to approach her about it again sometime.