I crave being around people and meaningful friends and relationships, but being in a room full of people, some i know and some i don't, just seems to make it worse. It just makes me jealous of everyone elses amazing social life and sad that I don't have it. Like i feel like i have so many friends i can talk to but they all have closer friends that they would choose over me and I don't feel like i have a single true friend in the whole world that i can just like rely on, dump all my shit on them and they'd still be there for me. And for some reason everyday I'm just getting more depressed and suicidal. I don't know if I have depression, I don't have any professional help apart from my school counsellor who is like worried like hell about me probably but still won't say it to my face. Some days the urge to just commit gets so intense that I've gotten two panic attacks and I don't even know what to do. I used to sh too but now I've stopped, cause it just feels like I can't be bothered and its such a conflicting feeling the urge to cut but also to want to just end it all but also to just lie on the floor and do absolutely nothing. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me honestly my life is perfectly fine but i get pissed off at so many normal and random things and just can't seem to snap out of my depression that has come for like no fucking reason and I'm so lonely and scared.
#I don't even know what to say
real musk
versed jackal
I crave being around people and meaningful friends and relationships, but being ...
It's ok an I hope you'd get more help soon
And I'm glad you at least isn't doing sh tbh, even if it's just cuz you're too lazy to do it