#I might end things

4 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

ember cargo
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Tw suicide and sh idk

I know you've seen me vent on these forums so many times, so why respond when I'm just documenting the same daily suffering? Nothing new to help with.

||I am a fucking joke
"Sorry, didn't notice you!" I hear this every day and I'm just so tired of it...
Because I am always forgotten
They all hate me I just know it
I can see straight through their lies
I failed two classes, today someone genuinely asked if I was ok, soon enough someone will get me called to the counselor who I can't trust, for I can't trust anyone anymore, not even myself
I fear someone will see a scar soon
I will actually end things I swear
I'm scared to be an adult, no I won't make it to 18
I'm trans but I can't even truly be myself because of my mom's transphobia
I keep putting on the comedy mask and being everyone's silly goofy goober but I feel it breaking and I am reaching the breaking point||

||I'm tired of this
I'm tired
I'm tire
I'm tir
I'm ti
I'm t
I'm
I'm d
I'm di
I'm dis
I'm disg
I'm disgu
I'm disgus
I'm disgust
I'm disgusti
I'm disgustin
I'm disgusting||

||I am disgusting
Why do I want to be loved
I don't deserve it
Just let me rot in my bed
I want to sleep forever||

I'm tired

ember cargo
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Also I think I just had a panic attack rn

ivory garnet
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You are not disgusting. That is a fact. You are not alone, I can promise you that. I’ve felt the same way, so many fucking times before. Something I struggle to remember is that love is not something to be earned, it is something unconditional. I am so, so sorry you are going through such a hard time man. Genuinely. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and a permanent absence will never be the solution. I am proud of you, and appreciate simply because you are here, and you are alive. Keep going, even though it’s hard. I know it sounds cliche, but I don’t know how else to explain my emotions through words. But know that I have felt the same isolation and low self worth, every day I want to sleep and never wake up. But you and I both have to keep moving forward. We need to because we deserve to live a life worth living.

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People who fail you see your incredible presence are people who aren’t worth the time and effort. Your people will see you for the brilliant human you are, flaws and all.